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Band 2

correlation technology and climate change for a better future

#correlation #technology #climate #change #future
Firstly
, technology is a paramount important tool to support people's activities either in school or
in
Change preposition
at
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 work.
For instance
, laptops and computers cannot be
separable
Correct your spelling
separated
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 from students to help them improve their
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
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.
However
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
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facilitates
Replace the word
facilities
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 have not been
distributing
Wrong verb form
distributed
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for
Change preposition
to
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 every student in Indonesia
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in the lagging behind, leading, and frontier
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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.
Therefore
, the government should consider paying attention to focusing on the equality of education.
Secondly
, climate change and environmental sustainability are the most discussed
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
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 in the summit conference
due to
the
Change the word
their
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 impact on human lives.
For instance
, the Paris
agreement
Capitalize word
Agreement
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 was created as a response from all countries in the world to address the
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 regarding the issue.
Furthermore
, it increased moderately the awareness of the people concerning the consequences of climate change.
Thus
, education and socialization pertaining to global warming should be disseminated rapidly.
Submitted by gunawankohan on

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Introduction
To enhance your essay, start by adding a clear introduction that outlines the correlation between technology and climate change for a better future. This will help in setting the context and making your essay more focused on the given topic.
Conclusion
Make sure your essay includes a conclusion that summaries your main points and provides a final thought on how technology and climate change are interconnected towards creating a better future. A conclusion helps in giving your essay a rounded end.
Content Relevance
You have provided some relevant examples to support your points, which is excellent. To further improve, try to directly link these examples to how technology can be used to combat climate change for a better future. This will make your essay more aligned with the topic.
Cohesion
For better coherence, try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use transitional phrases between paragraphs and within them to show how your ideas are related and to build a logical flow in your explanation of how technology and climate change are interconnected.
Use of Examples
You have effectively used a variety of examples to illustrate your points, which enriches your essay.
Topic Relevance
Your essay discusses significant and current topics such as the Paris Agreement, which shows an understanding of relevant issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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