IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #care #think #service #government
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A
lot
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large
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number
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 of countries
governed
Wrong verb form
govern
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 that citizens must spend their own money for their personal
healthcare
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. Many
people
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 argue that medical needs should be considered as a free public service provided by the
government
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. I completely agree that the necessity of
health
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 matters is part of human rights and every
government
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 should establish a policy that
regulate
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regulates
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 a free
healthcare
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 service in many forms
such
Linking Words
 as national insurance and creating
a
Correct article usage
apply
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mass development in
regional
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a regional
the regional
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hospital
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hospitals
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.
Firstly
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,
high
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a high
the high
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number
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 of poverty
make
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makes
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people
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 unable to access
a
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apply
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proper
health
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service
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services
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, which
led
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leads
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 to an increase in death rates. In many Asian countries, where poverty grew higher every year has caused
sanitasion
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sanitation
 problems and untreated disease
due to
Linking Words
 lack of knowledge and financial problems.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
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 in Indonesia
has
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have
show examples
 difficulties
to pay
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paying
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 for their own personal medical needs,
thus
Linking Words
 the
government
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succesfully
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successfully
 released a new program to help them by providing
a
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apply
show examples
free national insurance, commonly known as "BPJS".BPJS can be utilized by a wide range of society, from low-class to middle-class individuals. They can easily use BPJS at any hospital, including private ones
Secondly
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,
people
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 in rural areas are
oftenly
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often
 faced with
obstacle
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obstacles
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such
Linking Words
 as the lack of decent
healthcare
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 facilities nearby.
Unavailability
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The unavailability
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 of medical facilities could make
people
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suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 more than everyone could thought, especially in emergency
condition
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conditions
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was only
small
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a small
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 amount of large
hospital
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hospitals
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 located in small
village
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villages
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 in Indonesia
due to
Linking Words
 the geographical conditions and
number
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 of
health
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worke
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workers
. The
government
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 tried to escalate the
number
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 of
health
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 facilities by constructing a public
health
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center
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centre
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 in every neighbourhood so it could be easily
accesible
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accessible
 for every
villagers
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village
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. In conclusion, poverty has been a major factor that
people
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 in many countries
suffered
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suffer
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 to get
a
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apply
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decent
healthcare
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.
This
Linking Words
 problem can be solved by providing
a free medical services
Correct the article-noun agreement
free medical services
a free medical service
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 given by the
government
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 through several programs,
a
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apply
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free national insurance and
enhance
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enhancing
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 the
number
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 of public
health
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center
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centers
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 in small areas.
Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on

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Grammar and Style
Ensure consistent and accurate usage of complex sentences to add clarity and sophistication to your arguments.
Vocabulary
Work on improving the variety and accuracy of your vocabulary to make arguments more compelling.
Structure
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are not only present but also clearly state your thesis and summarize your main points persuasively.
Examples
Provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, particularly the use of 'BPJS' as an example of government-supported healthcare.
Structure
You have a clear logical structure in your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point that supports your overall argument.
Understanding
You displayed a comprehensive understanding of the essay topic and provided a thorough response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal coverage
  • equity
  • fundamental human right
  • out-of-pocket expenses
  • financial hardship
  • preventative measures
  • social contract
  • quality of care
  • high demand
  • limited resources
  • tax implications
  • budget priorities
  • universal healthcare systems
  • public health
  • disease burden
What to do next:
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