IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people argue that the use of animal in medical research for the benefit of human is acceptable which other caim that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #research #benefit #caim
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Some individuals declare that it is beneficial for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 to use
animals
 in medicine
while
 others believe that it is a bad idea. From my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
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 there are
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of new devices which can assist in medical
research
 , so we need to protect
animals
. On the one hand ,testing on
animals
 helps
for
Change preposition
apply
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people to understand how drugs react in our
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
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.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 people are the most important creatures in the world
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why it is preferable to do
research
 on
animals
such
 as mice because mice are the most similar to
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
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.
On the other hand
, there are various state-of-the-art technologies
for example
 computer simulations. If human beings always test on
animals
, there will be
not
Correct your spelling
no
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animals
 left in the world , which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to loss of biodiversity.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 I am against animal testing because most product safety tests are performed on
animals
 without
anesthesia
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anaesthesia
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,if something
go
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goes
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 wrong it can lead to enormous suffering. Doing medical
research
 with
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 is considered beneficial for people. Others think that it is wrong. I guess that we do not need to test on
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 because nowadays there are modern devices for
research
Submitted by zakirova7ez3 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Try to make your introduction and conclusion more distinct and clearly state your opinion. This helps to guide the reader through your argument and understand your stance more clearly.
Coherence
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
Supporting Arguments
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.
Paragraph Structure
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each one focusing on a separate main idea. This helps in structuring your essay better and improving its readability.
Task Response
Consider balancing the discussion of both views before stating your own opinion. This ensures a comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Opinion Clarity
You provided a clear stance on your opinion regarding the use of animals in medical research.
Task Understanding
You introduced the topic and attempted to discuss both sides, showing an understanding of the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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