IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree? agree= smoking worked, disagree= children ask parents, search for substitute

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people #agree= #disagree= #children #parents #search #substitute
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a
drammatic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
 increase in
sugar
 consumption as it is provided in a variety of
products
, so some argue that the rich-
sugar
products
 should be expensive
while
 others say
that is
 not an ideal
sollution
Correct your spelling
solution
. In
this
 report, I will go through both sides of
this
 trend, and
then
 allow me to share my point of view. Rising
the sugary
Change to a genitive case
the costs of the sugary products
the costs of the sugary product
show examples
products
 costs is necessary, beneficial, and recommended, and many experts suggest
this
 method to help consumers avoid consuming
sugar
.
This
 method already acknowledged its success, so using it is the perfect way to reduce using
sugar
.
For example
, in many countries, they increased the price of cigarettes, and
then
, successfully, the percentage of buying them showed a
dawnward
Correct your spelling
downward
.
Also
, people prefer buying
cheep
Correct your spelling
cheap
show examples
products
. For
further
 explanation, a survey captured that the majority of shoppers excel
Change preposition
at cheep
show examples
cheep
Correct your spelling
cheap
show examples
products
 even if they are unhealthy.
As a consequence
, boosting the costs will dip using them.
Although
 the points mentioned above are strong there are adverse points which hold equal strength.
Firstly
, eating high levels of
sugar
 leads to addiction, just like drugs, so making them expensive will not solve
this
 problem.
For example
, many studies indicate that clients
addictied
Correct your spelling
are addicted
 to
eat
Verb problem
apply
show examples
sugar
 so they do not have the choice to stop eating it any more;
therefore
,
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the costs will not effectively prevent them
eating
Change preposition
from eating
show examples
 it.
Also
, a report showed that if sugary
products
 become out of touch, clients will look for a substitute.
Secondly
, children, who take the highest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of consumption
sugar
, do not care about prices. For
further
 explanation, a survey illustrated that children consume a large amount of
sugar
, but because their parents are responsible for paying;
this
 will not decrease their usage of
sugar
. In conclusion, making sugary
products
 more expensive
hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
show examples
 many positives
as well as
nigatives
Correct your spelling
negatives
negative
;
however
, I believe that It should be expensive because
this
 is the only available solution.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Style
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your essay more engaging.
Task Achievement
Consider refining your conclusion to make your position more clear and assertive.
Argument Depth
Incorporate more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments.
Accuracy
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to maintain the clarity of your arguments.
Task Response
You provided a balanced view and discussed both sides of the argument effectively.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and articulated your views well.
Organization
You used paragraphs effectively to separate your ideas, which helped in making your essay organized.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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