Nowadays, people are moving to other countries to seek jobs. Some people think it affects the children of such home negativity while some others think it is beneficial to them. Discuss both sides and state your opinion
In our generation, it is believed by a contemporary group of individuals that settling
to
other states Change preposition
in
for finding
vacancies is harmful Change preposition
to find
for
their Change the preposition
to
children
while
others assume that it affects them positively. I will give my opinion and discuss both points of views
in Fix the agreement mistake
view
this
essay.
On the one hand, nations believe that moving abroad influences badly to the mental and physical health of their children
. Changing a place of residence means to change
a Change the verb form
changing
climite
which may harm Correct your spelling
climate
children
under 18 whose bodies are still week
. It may lead to various Correct your spelling
weak
deaseses
which Correct your spelling
diseases
depends
on the location, even to chronical Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
deaseses
. Correct your spelling
diseases
Moreover
, it has a significant impact on the childrens'
mental health which Change noun form
children's
causes
by altering school. Moving to another place means Wrong verb form
is caused
to meet
new people, Change the verb form
meeting
their
social circle totally changes. Correct word choice
and their
Children
cannot adapt quickly to the new environment where they do not know anyone which can make them extremely introvert person.
On the other hand
, changing
environment could be beneficial for those Correct article usage
a changing
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
children
who are not feeling themselves in their plates. For those children
life begins with a new chapter in a new country. They will do their best to interact with their peers or succeed in their studies. Add a comma
children,
Additionally
, they find new culture
and traditions more appealing than those in a previous country.
In my opinion, Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
A
harm or benefit of altering Correct article usage
The
place
of living Correct article usage
the place
is relied
on people Change to the active voice
relies
has relied
who
the migrants' Change the pronoun
whom
children
will meet first.
In conclusion, I would have to mention that, migrating to other governments has both their pros and cons as children
are not mature enough to adjust to the new environment.Submitted by musayevjahangir on
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Clarity & Accuracy
Aim for clearer and more precise expression of ideas. Consider simplifying complex sentences and correcting grammatical inaccuracies for better clarity.
Coherence
To enhance coherence, establish clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words effectively.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples to support your points. Specific examples will make your arguments more convincing and provide a solid ground for your claims.
Grammar & Spelling
Review and correct spelling errors and grammatical mistakes to improve the overall quality of your writing.
Balanced View
You have provided a balanced discussion on both views regarding the issue, which is essential for the task.
Conclusion
The effort to conclude your essay by summarizing both views and stating your opinion is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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