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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of total spending on four different categories by students in a European country from 1985 to 2015.

The charts below show the percentage of total spending on four different categories by students in a European country from 1985 to 2015.
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The pie charts below provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the proportion of total bills on four different kinds of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 by students in a particular country in Europe between 1985 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the figures for
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food,
rent
Use synonyms
 and clothes increased,
while
Linking Words
 that for entertainment decreased. The most noticeable feature was that the figure for
rent
Use synonyms
 had increased dramatically over the
30 years
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30-year
period
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, reaching its peak at 50% in 2015. The proportion of the spending on
the
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apply
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rent
Use synonyms
 outnumbered that on clothes by a ratio of 5 to 1 in 2015.
In
Change preposition
At
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 the same time, the percentage of
rent
Use synonyms
 was twice as large as what it was in 1985.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food and clothes decreased from 30% and 20% to 22% and 10% in
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the beginning, only a minor gap was reported among the four categories in 1985, with differences
no
Change preposition
of no
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 more than 10%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
expenditure
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 on entertainment experienced significant fluctuation. It increased slightly from 25% to 28% in the first half of
this
Linking Words
period
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, following a sharp decline in 2005. In the
last
Linking Words
 20 years, it slipped slowly from 20% to 18%.
Overall
Linking Words
, a large gap could be observed in the proportion of
expenditure
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 on
rent
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 and the remaining three categories in 2015. One of the most prominent features of
this
Linking Words
 data was that the
expenditure
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 on entertainment remained the same in the
period
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of
Change preposition
from
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 1985 to 1995.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, rent, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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