IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Write an email to the mall manager in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following things: Describe the problem you are having with the mall’s parking. Explain what you and your family have to do in order to visit the shopping mall now.Provide some suggestions for how the mall manager can solve this problem.

#email #mall #manager #mall’s #visit #suggestions
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Dear Manager, I hope
this
 email finds you well. My name is Lisa, a regular patron
at
Change preposition
of
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 your esteemed establishment. I pay frequent visits to the Bashundrara Shopping
mall
Capitalize word
Mall
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 situated in Dhaka,
hence
 it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 an integral part of our family. I am reaching out to you today to address an
issue
 regarding the allocated parking plot at the shopping
center
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centre
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.
Now-a-days
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, we are
finding
Verb problem
having
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 trouble
to park
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parking
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 the vehicle, as it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 very congested.
Moreover
,
growing
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a growing
the growing
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 development of the city is bringing more people to the area which
increments
Verb problem
increases
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 the number of vehicles.
As a result
, we have to take public vehicles to commute to the shopping
center
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centre
show examples
, but it's really troublesome for us. To solve the
issue
 I come up with a constructive solution. You can utilize the back-side purview, which is not being used by the company.
Furthermore
, It will not only resolve the
issue
 but
also
 provide
tranquility
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tranquillity
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 to the consumers,
also
 uphold the company's reputation. I hope you will complete my suggestion and take proper action to resolve the
issue
. I look forward to your
shift
Correct your spelling
swift
show examples
 response and resolution. Yours Sincerely, Lisa
Submitted by Lisa Bhuiyan on

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Task Achievement
Your email has a clear purpose and addresses the task well, but consider adding more specific examples or details about the parking issue and your experience. Providing such details can strengthen your argument and make your suggestions seem more urgent and necessary.
Coherence & Cohesion
Structure your email into clear paragraphs to enhance readability. While your email is well-organized, using distinct paragraphs for the problem description, your current solution, and your suggested solution would make it even clearer.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using transitional phrases can help connect your ideas more smoothly. Consider phrases like 'As a result,' 'Therefore,' or 'In addition,' to guide the reader through your reasoning.
Task Achievement
You effectively conveyed your viewpoint and suggested a practical solution, which demonstrates a good level of task achievement.
Language Use
Your polite tone and appropriate formal language are suitable for an email to a manager, enhancing the overall effectiveness of your communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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