You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. It is observed that, currently, more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on society? Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #hours #phenomenon #effects #society

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We can see that

people

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are tending to

work

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lot

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more than before. Why is

this

Linking Words

happening? What will happen in

society

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because of

this

Linking Words

Change the punctuation

show examples

This

Linking Words

phenomenon is because today's

people

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value

money

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lot

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more than anything.

Consequently

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, they spend all the time they have working so they can earn as much

money

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as they can.

Furthermore

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, in

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society

Add a comma

society,

show examples

we will have families without a father to support them and most

people

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are going to have poor mental health because of

work

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. Overworking is a big

problem

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

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, it makes families

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

separated and

people

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Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

stressed and overwhelmed.

As a result

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, we end up with a less functional

society

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and a

lot

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of unhappy

people

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Secondly

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, the

problem

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is caused by the idea of the value of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

money

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and the idea of success, which only see successful

people

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as rich

people

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Therefore

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, everyone is so focused on earning

money

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and

Correct word choice

that

show examples

they forget to focus on other things.

Such

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

mental health and family.

Nonetheless

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, there are many ways to solve it.

For instance

Linking Words

, we can offer help to

people

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by talking to them and telling them what's really important.

Also

Linking Words

, making advertisements that give

people

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comfort with what they have can help their mental health.

People

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society

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are now being really affected by the long periods of

work

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, they can be really tired and have no motivation

for doing

Change preposition

to do

show examples

anything else because of

this

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problem

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For example

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, when a man gets to his home after eight or more hours of working, he just wants to sleep.

As a result

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, he has no time to do anything else like being with his family or developing a hobby.

Moreover

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, the law should be really strict about long periods of

work

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, by not letting

people

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work

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more than 8 hours.

Therefore

Linking Words

people

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will be able to do what they want and be with their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

. In conclusion, long

work

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periods are caused mainly by a culture of seeing

money

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as the most important thing, and

people

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who think that working a

lot

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is the only way to be successful.

Also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

problem

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makes

people

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Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

less healthy in their

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

and have no time for their family or hobbies, which causes a less functional

society

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Lastly

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this

Linking Words

problem

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has a

lot

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of solutions and it isn't an unsolvable

problem

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people

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just need to learn that there are more important

thing

Fix the agreement mistake

things

show examples

than

money

Use synonyms

Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on Thu May 02 2024

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Task Achievement

Focus on developing a more structured introduction that clearly outlines the causes and effects you plan to discuss. This will provide a roadmap for your reader and improve clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate your linguistic range. This will enhance the flow and overall coherence of your essay.

Task Achievement

Include specific examples and data to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive and informative.

Coherence & Cohesion

Review paragraph organization to ensure that each one focuses on a single main idea, supported by detailed examples or explanations. This will improve the essay's coherence and make your arguments more convincing.

Task Achievement

Your essay engages with the topic at hand and makes an effort to address both causes and effects, which is commendable.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarises your essay's main points, reinforcing the impact of your arguments on the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

406 words

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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. It is observed that, currently, more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on society? Write at least 250 words.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that companies should manufacturing products that last for a long time. Others feel that the emphasis should be place on producing goods that are cheap. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Do you agree or disagree?