Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays eating habits have been affected by changes in
people
's lifestyles.
Sugar
sugar
Remove the redundancy
apply
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consumption
is increasing,
although
it is not healthy and it is required they limit
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the
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use of it. There are different ideas in
this
regard, one group believes that it is the government's task to control
sugar
usage
while
the other group reckon that it is human beings' responsibility to take care of it.In
this
essay, I will consider both sides and give my own view.
Governments
try to provide their citizens with proper healthcare systems and help them to be healthy.In some
people
's opinion as the
governments
have authority, it is their job to decrease the
consumption
of
sugar
by enacting some rules.
For example
, Prohibit the food commercials advertisements which have high levels of
sugar
.
This
group believe that
governments
should consider the budget for some activities that can help to decrease
sugar
consumption
.
For instance
, hold some campaigns with the purpose of advertising the disadvantages of
sugar
usage
and encourage nations to stop using too much.
Although
I think
governments
can help to reduce the use of
sugar
, I believe that it is the individual's responsibility to care about the amount of
sugar
usage
because it is something that relates to our
health
directly and everybody is responsible for their own
health
condition.
It is clear that
when
people
try to cut off eating
sugar
it is more cost-effective than when
governments
take action and do special things.
Furthermore
, it is undeniable that these days
people
due to
their hectic schedule eat more fast foods and processed foods which include a lot of
sugar
, but if they try to take a little bit of time and cook and eat homemade food they can be able to lessen their
sugar
consumption
that would be fruitful for their
health
and reduce the medical cost. In conclusion, high amounts of
sugar
usage
can endanger
health
. It is a controversial topic whether it is the government's job or Individual duty to limit
sugar
consumption
, but I believe that if
people
can reduce and limit their
usage
it will be more cost-friendly and easy.
Submitted by ghazale on

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Structure
Try to present your ideas more clearly by structuring paragraphs around one main idea each.
Cohesion
Use a broader range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly.
Examples
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Sentence Variety
Work on varying sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and complex.
Task Achievement
You discussed both views and provided a personal opinion, fulfilling the essay's requirements.
Logical Structure
Your essay has a clear logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.
Introduction & Conclusion
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, framing your discussion effectively.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmful
  • government intervention
  • policies and regulations
  • public health
  • individual responsibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • freedom of choice
  • balanced approach
  • food industry
  • sugar content
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • health problems
  • taxation
  • advertising restrictions
  • labeling requirements
  • reading food labels
  • natural sweeteners
  • cooking at home
  • moderation
  • balanced diets
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