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Band 1

artificial intelligence aids in tackling a complicated illness

#intelligence #aids #illness
Firstly
, artificial intelligence aids in tackling a complicated illness by supporting advanced technology.
For instance
, cancer detection tools in which AI is relied on to detect the possibility of a growth threat
cancer
Change preposition
to cancer
show examples
 proliferation in
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body.
Furthermore
, the existence of AI minimizes the failure in medicating patients
due to
limitation
Correct article usage
the limitation
show examples
 of human ability.
Thus
, implementing high technology to ease doctors or health workers requires endorsement from the government to equip the lack of
facilitate
Replace the word
facilities
show examples
 in the hospital.
Submitted by gunawankohan on

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Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively by expanding on how AI specifically aids in complex illness treatments, including more detailed examples or potential impacts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure an introduction and conclusion are present and clearly defined in your essay. These elements help to frame your discussion and summarise your main points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly using a variety of linking phrases to enhance readability and demonstrate a more advanced level of English proficiency.
Task Achievement
Specific example of cancer detection tools aided by AI is relevant and supports your point well.
Task Achievement
You've acknowledged the importance of government endorsement for implementing high technology, which adds depth to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical structure in discussing the contribution of AI towards healthcare is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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