IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to the manager of the nearest private sports club. In your letter: •introduce yourself, •say why you are interested in this sports club •ask some questions about the club e.g. facilities, members, costs

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Dear Sir/Madam I
write
Wrong verb form
am writing
show examples
this
Linking Words
 letter as I saw your announcement in
local
Add an article
the local
a local
show examples
 newspaper that you are looking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
hiring
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
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member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 for
goalkeeper
Add an article
a goalkeeper
show examples
. Let me introduce myself
first,
Linking Words
my name
Yohanes
Add a missing verb
is Yohanes
show examples
 and I am
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
first semester
Add a hyphen
first-semester
show examples
 student
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
local
Add an article
a local
the local
show examples
 university. I am wondering if your football
club
Use synonyms
 is amazing for me
according to
Linking Words
 my experience because I have 5 years experience as
goalkeeper
Correct article usage
a goalkeeper
show examples
 when I study in high school. Unfortunately, my university
has
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not football
extracuricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
hence
Linking Words
 I looking for
football
Correct article usage
a football
show examples
club
Use synonyms
surround
Wrong verb form
surrounding
show examples
this
Linking Words
 city.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, my
rent
Replace the word
rented
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 house is not far away from the stadium. So I can practice
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 after my class in college. I do not need to commute earlier as I can use my motorcycle.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I am glad that I will get
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to join your
club
Use synonyms
. I would be thankful if you consider me as the best candidate for your team goalkeeper.
Also
Linking Words
, Would you like
inform
Fix the infinitive
to inform
show examples
 me by email about the practice schedule and the cost if I
selected
Add a missing verb
am selected
show examples
?
Thus
Linking Words
, I can prepare
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 before
join
Change the verb form
joining
show examples
 your
club
Use synonyms
. Sincerely Yohanes

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Clarity and Directness
Be explicit in the introduction about the primary intent of your letter. Mention directly that you are interested in joining the sports club as a goalkeeper.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure the body paragraphs are well-focused. Each paragraph should clearly tackle a specific aspect of your application or inquiry.
Task Response
Include more detailed inquiries or requests for information regarding the sports club, such as facilities, membership types, or other relevant details to align better with the letter's tasks.
Organization
Your letter is well-organized, and paragraphs are logically structured, which aids the reader's understanding.
Closing
The closing of your letter is polite and clear, effectively summarizing your request and showing eagerness to join the club.
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