some people say that advertising is extremely successful at presuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so commen that we no longer pay attetion to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Whether or not advertising has lost its lure
due to
its ubiquity is a debatable matter. While
some still adhere to the belief that it is the main source of presuasion
when buying items, others and I believe that it no longer possesses its primal charm.
Some individuals state that advertisement is one of the initial mediums for enticing people into shops. Correct your spelling
persuasion
Additionally
, it is widely considered to be the most popular mean
of declaring seasonal salesFix the agreement mistake
means
,
and giving out special offers. Remove the comma
apply
Furthermore
, one other asset of the contemprory
commercialsCorrect your spelling
contemporary
,
is the performing cast they hire which usually consists of celebrities and social figures who have a huge impact on the audience; Remove the comma
apply
therefore
, luring them into buying the products that they might not necessarily need. Take Calvin Klein as an example; this
fashion brand managed to gain a tremendous raise
in customers by only adding Haily Bieber Correct your spelling
rise
into
its line of brand ambassadors.
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, as a result
of technology prevalances
, people are getting exhausted by the full-time bombard of offers; both online and in reality. Correct your spelling
prevalence
prevalences
Consequantly
, they would not pay attention to the pop-up windows or the brochures they Correct your spelling
Consequently
recieve
in the street even if they could really benefit from the presented goods. Correct your spelling
receive
This
overload of information deminished
customers' power to choose among too many variable options. A recent study demonstrates that, nowadays, the number of people who purchase through ads Correct your spelling
diminished
are
not even Correct subject-verb agreement
is
one third
of the total viewers.
In a nutshell, Add a hyphen
one-third
although
advertising is considered to be of a
high importance when manipulating the public to desire an item, many others insist that it is an Remove the article
apply
out-dated
method Correct your spelling
outdated
due to
its commenness
. I stand with the second group because of the reasons that were elaborated in Correct your spelling
commonness
this
essay.Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on
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Detailed Examples
Ensure all paragraphs are fully developed with clear, specific supporting examples. While the Calvin Klein example is good, adding more detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
Spelling/Grammar
Watch out for spelling and grammatical errors ('presuasion' should be 'persuasion', 'contemprory' should be 'contemporary', 'commeonness' should be 'commonness', 'recieve' should be 'receive'). These small mistakes can distract from your argument.
Sentence Structure
Try to vary your sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to your writing. This can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Task Response
You've done well in discussing both viewpoints comprehensively and giving your own opinion, which is aligned with the task requirements.
Logical Structure & Cohesion
The logical flow of ideas from the introduction, through the body paragraphs, to the conclusion shows good coherence and cohesion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example