IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

All people should go to university, even if they are not going to use that education In their job. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #education #job
It is thought by some that even if
people
 do not use their knowledge, which they have learnt in classes, in their jobs, they should still need to attend
universities
. In the following paragraphs,
this
 matter will be discussed before reaching my conclusion.
To begin
 with, attending
universities
 give benefits to their learners. They will gain both hard
skills
 and soft
skills
.
For example
, if they are majoring in Civil Engineering, they would gain hard
skills
such
 as using computers or using some engines, and communication, teamwork or time management as soft
skills
. In spite of they are not working in related careers, these
skills
 still play an essential part in our lives.
Moreover
, studying in
universities
 helps us to concrete our credibilities. Because of the knowledge, graduates will be more trustworthy than the ones who do not finish.
Additionally
, finishing their courses can bring disadvantages
also
. Some companies in recent days do not need a Bachelor's degree. They just need someone who can work for them,
for instance
, working as workers in construction sites that only use their manpower to strive for their tasks.
Furthermore
, these
people
 can learn both hard and soft
skills
 in their workplaces during their careers.
In addition
, some intellectual learners are foxy, as we can see on the news that they use their knowledge to deceive other
people
. All in all, it is true that learning in
universities
 gives advantages to societies
however
 it is sometimes presented as over-qualified
in particular
 jobs. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 issue and
people
 should attend
universities
 even though it is not related to their jobs.
Besides
, it can enhance our population's standards and become more trustworthy.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Structure
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea with adequate support. This structure aids in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
Coherence
Continue practicing the use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', 'In addition'), but ensure they naturally contribute to the logical flow of your argument, avoiding overuse or misuse.
Development
For a higher score, develop your arguments further with more specific examples and elaborate on how your points directly support your overall stance.
Grammar & Punctuation
Pay attention to sentence structure and punctuation to enhance readability and coherence. Occasional errors or awkward phrasing can distract from the effectiveness of your argument.
Introduction & Conclusion
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion that frames your opinion and succinctly summarizes key points.
Balanced Argument
Good balance of discussing both benefits and disadvantages, demonstrating an ability to engage with the topic critically.
Vocabulary
Your essay demonstrates a solid command of topic-specific vocabulary, aiding in the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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