IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

1.Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sport, while others think it is negative. discus both views and give your opinion

#companies #sponsor #sports #people #world #sport #discus
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Nowadays some
companies
 prefer to sponsor
sports
 to advertise their
brands
 and many people believe
this
 may be beneficial for the
sports
 facilities;
on the other hand
, others think that drawbacks will be more than benefits. In my opinion, there are more positive sides to
this
 kind of advertisement.
To begin
 with,
sports
 programmes have
a gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
 popularity with advanced technology and recently
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most people have preferred to watch
sports
 games on TV.
Moreover
, there are some famous competitions
for instance
 the World Cup and Olympic games
also
this
 can be a vital reason why many
brands
 prefer to sponsor
sports
.
In addition
,
this
 significant competition will be a fundamental marketing strategy for
companies
 because they will reach a lot of customers in
this
 way and get high profits.
However
, there can be some drawbacks to
this
 strategy. Some business places want to sponsor sporters and
this
 may cause some issues
for example
 recently one of the famous
brands
 decided to collab with a popular footballer and they
shooted
Correct your spelling
shot
show examples
 an advertisement.
However
, lately,
this
 sporter made a scandal situation about
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 personal
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 because of
this
 reason
also
 brand affected badly. So,
companies
 should consider the quality of
sports
 programmes and communities
otherwise
 if they can look just popularity of
sports
, they will choose the wrong person. In conclusion, some people believe that collapses with
sports
 and advertising can be beneficial for
brands
 because of their reputation but drawbacks should be considered deeply to avoid negative situations. I believe
this
 marketing strategy will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive impact on
companies
 and
sports
 clubs.
Submitted by muge2k on

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task achievement
It's beneficial to offer more detailed explanations and examples to support your points. This can add depth to your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure your essay has clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that signal the main idea. This helps the reader to follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Check for and correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity and flow of information.
task achievement
You've done well in presenting both views on the subject, maintaining a balanced discussion throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarises your opinion, showing good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay shows a logical flow of ideas, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Corporate sponsorships
  • vital funds
  • growth and development
  • over-commercialization
  • corporate interests
  • unequal opportunities
  • expertise in marketing
  • widely broadcasted
  • integrity of the sport
  • commercial considerations
  • visibility and engagement
  • physical fitness
  • community spirit
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