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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto, and Los Angeles.

The table gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto, and Los Angeles.
The figure presents data on the underground
railway
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
 in six metropolitan
cities
Use synonyms
 including London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto, and Los Angeles.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly stated that the earliest built underground
railway
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
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 was in London with the longest route among the other
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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. Meanwhile, the latest
constructed
Replace the word
construction
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 was in Los Angeles which has the shortest trail.
To begin
Linking Words
, London established its underground
railway
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
 in 1863 with a 394-kilometre route, making
this
Linking Words
 country
become
Verb problem
apply
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the first pioneer of
this
Linking Words
 public facility.
This
Linking Words
 infrastructure is able to carry 775 passengers annually.
Also
Linking Words
, both Paris and Tokyo built
the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar services in 1900 and 1927 respectively and these
cities
Use synonyms
build
Wrong verb form
built
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 the farthest distances totaling 199 and 155 kilometres each.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these common infrastructures attract
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 commuters every year totaling 1191 and 1927 each. Moving on to other
cities
Use synonyms
, Los Angeles successfully constructed its underpass
railway
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
 in 2001 with only a twenty-eight-kilometre length.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 system has affected
to
Change preposition
apply
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little interest calculating just 50 travellers per annum.
In addition
Linking Words
, Kyoto and Washington DC built the same infrastructure in 1981 and 1976 each in which their routes are respectively 11 and 126 kilometers.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, these
cities
Use synonyms
 are yearly able to escort 45 and 144 passengers.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, systems, cities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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