Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
The majority of
people
love
to try new things
such
as traveling to new places
and trying to eat a variety of foods
. Other people
like to keep trying and usually use things
. I believe that trying to variety of things
and too many foods
is very knowledgeable. In this
essay, I will discuss both views and I will give you my opinion.
On the one hand, the majority of people
like to travel to new places
overseas or in their own country new place
because traveling
to a new Change the spelling
travelling
place
can bring a new idea and knowledge. For example
, someone who visits a new place
like overseas can find they are culture, what foods
they eat, where they live, and which language they speak, etc. Moreover
, people
who love
to visit overseas try to eat different types of foods
. For instance
, my friend Nisha loves to travel to Singapur because she loves to eat Parata. It is Indian food but they are very delicious. while
people
try to do new things
is change lives and can. bring different knowledge.
On the other hand
, some others like to live similar lives and they like to do everyday same things
. maybe their financial problems or they love
to spend the same life. For example
, my grandparents and parents like to every day eat traditional foods
and visit the temple of the park. They don't like to try new places
. For instance
, my family every year holiday vacation they are going to park and spend time all day they are. And they are bringing food homemade and traditional foods
.
In conclusion, some people
love
to try new foods
and new places
. Others like to try every day similar things
. In my opinion, try to a new place
and the foods
they can bring good knowledge and can eat a variety of foods
. therefore
they can explore their life and they can enjoy a
lot.Correct pronoun usage
it a
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on
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Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure was present but can be further refined for clarity.
Cohesion
To improve the logical flow, use a variety of transitional phrases and ensure each paragraph has one main idea with clear topic sentences.
Supporting Examples
Expand on the examples provided by explaining how they support your argument more clearly. This will strengthen the connection between your opinion and the examples.
Grammar
Check for grammatical errors and aim to use a range of grammatical structures accurately. Avoid repeating the same structures.
Task Response
To enhance your score further, work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each viewpoint could be explored in more depth to show a wider range of considerations.
Task Response
You successfully presented both views as well as your own, responding to all parts of the task.
Examples
Providing specific examples, such as the anecdote about Nisha loving to eat Parata in Singapore, made your essay more engaging.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.