IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

#people #idea #socialise #work #colleagues #evenings #weekends #life
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The majority of
people
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love
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 to try new
things
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such
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 as traveling to new
places
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 and trying to eat a variety of
foods
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. Other
people
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 like to keep trying and usually use
things
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. I believe that trying to variety of
things
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 and too many
foods
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 is very knowledgeable. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and I will give you my opinion. On the one hand, the majority of
people
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 like to travel to new
places
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 overseas or in their own country new
place
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 because
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to a new
place
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 can bring a new idea and knowledge.
For example
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, someone who visits a new
place
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 like overseas can find they are culture, what
foods
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 they eat, where they live, and which language they speak, etc.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who
love
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 to visit overseas try to eat different types of
foods
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.
For instance
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, my friend Nisha loves to travel to Singapur because she loves to eat Parata. It is Indian food but they are very delicious.
while
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people
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 try to do new
things
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 is change lives and can. bring different knowledge.
On the other hand
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, some others like to live similar lives and they like to do everyday same
things
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. maybe their financial problems or they
love
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 to spend the same life.
For example
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, my grandparents and parents like to every day eat traditional
foods
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 and visit the temple of the park. They don't like to try new
places
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.
For instance
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, my family every year holiday vacation they are going to park and spend time all day they are. And they are bringing food homemade and traditional
foods
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. In conclusion, some
people
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love
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 to try new
foods
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 and new
places
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. Others like to try every day similar
things
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. In my opinion, try to a new
place
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 and the
foods
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 they can bring good knowledge and can eat a variety of
foods
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.
therefore
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 they can explore their life and they can enjoy
a
Correct pronoun usage
it a
show examples
lot.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure was present but can be further refined for clarity.
Cohesion
To improve the logical flow, use a variety of transitional phrases and ensure each paragraph has one main idea with clear topic sentences.
Supporting Examples
Expand on the examples provided by explaining how they support your argument more clearly. This will strengthen the connection between your opinion and the examples.
Grammar
Check for grammatical errors and aim to use a range of grammatical structures accurately. Avoid repeating the same structures.
Task Response
To enhance your score further, work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each viewpoint could be explored in more depth to show a wider range of considerations.
Task Response
You successfully presented both views as well as your own, responding to all parts of the task.
Examples
Providing specific examples, such as the anecdote about Nisha loving to eat Parata in Singapore, made your essay more engaging.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • socialising
  • work relationships
  • teamwork
  • positive
  • supportive
  • work environment
  • personal relationships
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • stress
  • well-being
  • work-life balance
  • personal time
  • boundaries
  • conflicts
  • burnout
  • professional
  • personal identities
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