IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Banks should receive billions of dollars in assistance from their governments during a financial crisis that was in large part their fault. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some people say that
governments
Use synonyms
 should
support
Use synonyms
banks
Use synonyms
 when they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trouble,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that they are not in charge of that. In
this
Linking Words
 report, I will present both sides of
this
Linking Words
 conflict, and
then
Linking Words
 allow me to share my point of view.
Banks
Use synonyms
 are helpful,
economic
Replace the word
economical
show examples
, and necessary;
as a consequence
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 should help them whenever they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 an issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they are responsible for helping them because they are requisite. For
further
Linking Words
 explanation, people need
banks
Use synonyms
 for various purposes, and without
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 the population will be poor and angry.
For example
Linking Words
, a report illustrated that both companies and individuals depend on them to save money, get a loan, and invest
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 properties.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 need
banks
Use synonyms
 to raise their economy. A report presented that the majority of taxes and fees that they take are from
banks
Use synonyms
;
as a result
Linking Words
, if
banks
Use synonyms
 close, the whole country will be in poverty.
Although
Linking Words
 the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points which hold equal strength. The first one is that
banks
Use synonyms
 are as important as any other facility. For
further
Linking Words
 explanation, some people argue that if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
will
Wrong verb form
supports
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 the
banks
Use synonyms
, they should
also
Linking Words
support
Use synonyms
 any other facility.
Also
Linking Words
, some articles acknowledged that hospitals, schools, and markets are as important as the
banks
Use synonyms
, and citizens need them in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, just like
banks
Use synonyms
, so it is reasonable to
support
Use synonyms
 these facilities as well, and the
governments
Use synonyms
 can not rent a variety of facilities.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, it is the bank's responsibility to solve its problems. A lot of studies captured that each facility is capable
to solve
Change preposition
of solving
show examples
 its issues, and the government does not have to give them any assistance. In conclusion, there are merits and demerits of supporting
banks
Use synonyms
 during their financial crisis;
however
Linking Words
, I believe that they do not have to help them.

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Task Achievement
It would benefit your essay to include more specific examples from real-life situations or studies to support your arguments. This helps in making your essay more convincing and grounded in reality.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using linking words more effectively to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance the readability and coherence of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Consider providing a more detailed explanation or analysis on why and how the negative points are as significant as the positive ones. This deeper analysis would enrich your discussion.
Task Achievement
You presented both sides of the argument which is good for a balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clearly defined, which helps in presenting a well-structured essay.
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