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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. but others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are good at or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. general knowledge, love creative, fun

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Some people argue that
students
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 should pay attention to all
school
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subjects
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,
while
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 others say that they should just focus on the attractive ones. In
this
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 report, I will go through both sides of
this
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 argument, and
then
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 allow me to share my point of view.
School
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courses
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 are boring, difficult, and time-consuming;
as a consequence
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, many
students
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 feel bored going to
school
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.
However
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, some people say that going to
school
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 will be more interesting if
students
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 concentrate on their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subjects
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 only.
For example
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, in Saudia Arabia, policymakers have developed their
courses
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 so that
students
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 get the ability to learn their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subjects
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 only;
as a result
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, the statistics show fewer absences
Add the comma(s)
, as well as more students,
show examples
as well as
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 more
students
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 feel encouraged and motivated to learn.
Moreover
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,
students
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 become more creative
while
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 studying an interesting subject. For
further
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 explanation, studies indicate that more inventions and ideas arose because of being passionate about the field. Even though some
students
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 can not understand specific complex
courses
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 like mathematics, they are capable of creating astonishing creations in other fields.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points that hold equal strength.
Firstly
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, it is essential to have general knowledge about a variety of fields. Many reports showed that teenagers do not learn about anything unless the teachers teach them about it, so stopping teaching them various
subjects
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 will lead to a significant lack of information.
Secondly
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,
students
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 might change their opinion about the field if they understand it. For
further
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 explanation, many people acknowledged that after learning a subject, they become passionate about it
although
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 they did not like it at the beginning. In conclusion,
although
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 learning a variety of
school
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courses
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 is joyful, helpful, and necessary, studying specific fields is more interesting, useful, and important;
as a result
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, I believe that teenagers should focus on the
subjects
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 that they are good at.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, which states its main idea directly. This helps readers understand your argument's direction from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas within paragraphs and across them.
Task Achievement
While discussing both views, ensure that you explore them with equal depth and provide a balanced discussion before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
In providing examples, specificity can be enhanced by including dates, locations, or statistical data where appropriate.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly outlining the essay's structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provided a clear and insightful conclusion that restates your stance and summarises the key points made throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a wide range of ideas and examples, demonstrating good topic coverage.
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