IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cultures the old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#cultures #age #youth
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that both aged and youth are
essintial
Correct your spelling
essential
 for any country.
While
Linking Words
 it is held belief that in some regions old
people
Use synonyms
 are more important, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that young
people
Use synonyms
 are more valued.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and I will express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, aged
people
Use synonyms
 have an
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 crucial thing which is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, they have gone through
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
obstecles
Correct your spelling
obstacles
 and tests during their lives.
In addition
Linking Words
, in every
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 there is a consultent
which his
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 job
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 the president
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 major topics.
For example
Linking Words
, the president of Saudi Arabia has a consultant with 59 years old, and he is
handleing
Correct your spelling
handling
 many sensitive topics
such
Linking Words
 as the war with
Yeman
Correct your spelling
Yemen
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, young citizens are the backbone of any country. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that without
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, it can not evolve in any sector. Where the
crativity
Correct your spelling
creativity
 and imagination come from
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and they
full
Add a missing verb
are full
show examples
 of energy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 can not be done unless there are young
people
Use synonyms
 .
For instance
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the manifacture
show examples
manifacture
Correct your spelling
manufacture
 sector is one of the main sectors that
requier
Correct your spelling
require
 young
people
Use synonyms
 to do it. In conclusion, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 topic. On balance, I tend to believe that both old and young citizens have
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 important role in life. Without
ethier
Correct your spelling
either
 of
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 the scale of life will be destroyed.
While
Linking Words
 we can learn from old
people
Use synonyms
, we can get help from young
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Aljawir3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'essintial' should be 'essential', 'experince' should be 'experience', and 'obstecles' should be 'obstacles'. Correcting these will make your writing more polished.
Sentence Structure
Consider using a variety of sentence structures to make your essay more engaging. This includes complex sentences and variations in sentence beginnings.
Linking Words
To further strengthen your coherence and cohesion, you can use more linking words and phrases that explicitly show the relationship between ideas within and between paragraphs.
Task Response
You've given a balanced view of both perspectives before stating your own position, which is a good approach for this type of essay.
Essay Structure
The essay structure is clear with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion that restates your opinion effectively.
Use of Examples
You've used examples to support your points, such as the consultant to the president of Saudi Arabia, which helps ground your arguments in reality.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: