IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

in this period of globalization many people are lucky or forced to live in other country and face serious social and practical problems because of the foreign language

#period #globalization #people #country #face #language
in
this
 period of
globalization
Add a comma
globalization,
show examples
 many people are lucky or forced to live in other
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
and face serious social and practical
problems
 because of the foreign
language
, some of the
problems
 are socializing with others or simply taking a trip in a taxi or asking for directions , in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree with
this
 notion and my opinion will be discussed in
further
 paragraphs with a suitable conclusion. supporting my argument to the given statement,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that foreign
language
 can be
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 problem for tourists in Japan
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 the
Majorite
Correct your spelling
Majority
show examples
 of the population speaks only Japanese,
for example
 without knowing the
language
 many will face
problems
 using the metro or communicating with
taxi
Add an article
a taxi
the taxi
show examples
 driver,
moreover
 asking for directions will probable get you
no where
Join the words
nowhere
show examples
. explaining some of the other supporting points in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 statement,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 true that many arab
emigrants
Correct your spelling
immigrants
show examples
 in Canada face a lot of social isolation and
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
show examples
 it really difficult to blend
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community
as a result
 many
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
hobbles
Wrong verb form
hobbled
show examples
 and lonely especially some of those who do not have a basic background of the
language
, which in results may lead them to return to there home country. in conclusion,
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 can cause serious social and practical
problems
 for people living in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 country for those who do not
speaks
Change the verb form
speak
show examples
 the local
language
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that intermentioned points are strongly supporting my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
.
Submitted by vivaalain on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Develop more comprehensive and detailed paragraphs to enhance clarity and depth in your argument.
Task Achievement
Add more relevant, specific examples to strengthen your argument and make your position more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the structure of your paragraphs for better logical flow, helping readers follow your argument more easily.
Coherence & Cohesion
Further refine your introduction and conclusion to more effectively encapsulate your main points and viewpoints.
Task Achievement
You have effectively communicated your viewpoint throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay includes logical progression of ideas and connects them with appropriate examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: