IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

High salary given by large companies to their directors compare to ordinary employees, Some believe it is unfair. Discuss both ideas

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Certain individuals who work as senior managers are rewarded with high salaries. On the other other, ordinary employees are paid just a basic salary which seems unfair to many. Both ideas have a plethora of reasons which will be explored
further
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 in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, there are major upsides related
with
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to
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 paying hefty amounts to the chief officers.
Firstly
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, these jobs are highly demanding and need advanced levels of analytical and critical thinking
abilities
Use synonyms
. Most of the ordinary employees fail to exhibit
such
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extent
Correct article usage
an extent
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 of
abilities
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. Owing to
such
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 differences
of
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in
show examples
 individual
abilities
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, people are rewarded for their skills and level of engagement with the growth of a company.
For example
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,
a
Correct article usage
the
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 CEO of
bank
Correct article usage
a bank
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 is paid an exorbitant salary as compared to an ordinary employee
due to
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 his extraordinary leadership skills.
On the contrary
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, some people think that it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
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 disparities in an organization leading to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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fewer chances for the growth of an individual.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the senior managers tend to be aristocratic in nature. In
this
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 scenario, companies become less democratic and
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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abilities
Use synonyms
 are only handed over to a group of individuals. To avoid
such
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 an irregular distribution of power, the salaries of directors should be contracted. To exemplify, many startups do not pay
such
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 kind of rewards to the directors because they understand the need
of
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for
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 funds to carry on research and improvement in other resources. In conclusion, many people want to reward high
performer
Fix the agreement mistake
performers
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 with
the an
Correct article usage
apply
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exorbitant pay but others want to create a democratic structure in order to manage funds for other purposes in their companies.
Hence
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, it is evident that both ideas have their own benefits and drawbacks.

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Introduction
Ensure a clear and direct thesis statement in your introduction to outline your discussion points.
Body Paragraphs
Expand on your examples with more specific details to strengthen your argument.
Linking Words
Consider using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Grammar
Review the use of articles and plurals to polish your grammatical accuracy.
Structure
Your essay presents a well-structured argument, discussing both views on the topic.
Content Balance
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a discussion essay.
Use of Examples
The use of specific examples, even if they could be further detailed, helps to support your arguments.
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