The two pie charts provide information about boys and girls’ participation rates in various activities after the survey.

The two pie charts provide information about boys and girls’ participation rates in various activities after the survey.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The presented pie charts depict the differences between
boys
' and
girls
' cultural and leisure activities.
Overall
, it can be observed that there is a huge difference between both of these genders when it comes to playing computer games and reading.
Girls
prefer to read books than
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
computer games
whereas
,
boys
are
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
when it comes to
this
trend.
To begin
with, both have the same taste when it comes to listening to music.
However
, the difference is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 19
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
when it comes to reading as
girls
go with reading 21
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
but for
boys
Add a comma
boys,
show examples
the percentage is only 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The difference in
percetile
Correct your spelling
percentage
is more than half when comes to playing online games as
boys
prefer it more than
girls
.
On the other hand
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
different activities that
boys
participate in but
girls
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
and these are skateboarding, playing soccer and basketball.
On the contrary
,
girls
indulge themselves in dancing, playing netball and doing gymnastics.
Submitted by kiran.deep24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • survey
  • comparison
  • popularity
  • activities
  • gender-specific
  • predominantly
  • societal factors
  • psychological factors
  • development
  • teamwork
  • physical health
  • cognitive skills
  • educational policies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: