IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The two pie charts provide information about boys and girls’ participation rates in various activities after the survey.

The two pie charts provide information about boys and girls’ participation rates in various activities after the survey.
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The presented pie charts depict the differences between
boys
Use synonyms
' and
girls
Use synonyms
' cultural and leisure activities.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed that there is a huge difference between both of these genders when it comes to playing computer games and reading.
Girls
Use synonyms
 prefer to read books than
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 computer games
whereas
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 are
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 when it comes to
this
Linking Words
 trend.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, both have the same taste when it comes to listening to music.
However
Linking Words
, the difference is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 19
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 when it comes to reading as
girls
Use synonyms
 go with reading 21
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 but for
Use synonyms
boys
Add a comma
boys,
show examples
 the percentage is only 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The difference in
percetile
Correct your spelling
percentage
 is more than half when comes to playing online games as
boys
Use synonyms
 prefer it more than
girls
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 different activities that
boys
Use synonyms
 participate in but
girls
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 and these are skateboarding, playing soccer and basketball.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
girls
Use synonyms
 indulge themselves in dancing, playing netball and doing gymnastics.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • survey
  • comparison
  • popularity
  • activities
  • gender-specific
  • predominantly
  • societal factors
  • psychological factors
  • development
  • teamwork
  • physical health
  • cognitive skills
  • educational policies
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