IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Youngsters nowadays are involved in many crimes. What are the causes of this problem? In your opinion, how can we reduce youth crime rates?

#youngsters #crimes #youth #crime #rates
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In our generation, the majority of
crime
Use synonyms
commiters
Correct your spelling
committed
committers
commuters
 are young people. There are a lot of reasons
lay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
behind that, but the main reasons
is
Verb problem
apply
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the technological development and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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increasing demand. In my opinion, to lessen the level of
crime
Use synonyms
 among young generations, adults
shoudl
Correct your spelling
should
 teach them that
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 a certain action is bad.
Firs
Correct your spelling
First
show examples
 and foremost,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advanced technology is the main cause of youth
crime
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. Teenagers' psychologies are not mature enough so they can carry out wrong actions unconsciously.
Thus
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
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seeing desired items
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media which they cannot afford may lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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theft.
According to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent research, the proportion of
crime
Use synonyms
acted
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 by individuals under 18 has significantly
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
risen
rise
 after the technological revolution.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
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 of people are increasing day by day and
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 are
not
Correct your spelling
no
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 exceptions here. In comparison with the past
children
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, today, every child
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 their own wardrobe of clothes, telephone and certain toys.
However
Linking Words
, there are still poor families who cannot give to their offspring those items which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 considered to be essential nowadays.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the inbalance
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inbalance
Correct your spelling
imbalance
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 among
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 reasons to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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envy and
crime
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. In accordance with statistics, 90% of the youth
crime
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 rate was done by
young
Add an article
a young
the young
show examples
 nation who lives in poverty. From my point of view, it is prominently adults' responsibility to guide their
children
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way. They are obligated to explain to their
children
Use synonyms
 that performing a certain action may have bad consequences.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my case, my parents used to give me extra pocket money to collect and buy an expensive thing which I
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 method of upbringing prevented me from committing a
crime
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that despite the challenges of raising
children
Use synonyms
 in the 21st century, adolescents have the potential to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 levels among the younger generation with the right approach.
Submitted by musayevjahangir on

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logical structure
Your essay follows a logical order, which helps in understanding the sequence of points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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