Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. agree = maintain, own traditions disagree = cultures, problem sosializing
Many parents want their
children
to spend all their leisure time
with them, while
some people
say that is
wrong and will lead to many demerits. In this
report, I will go through both sides and then
allow my
to share my point of view.
Consuming Correct pronoun usage
you
time
with relatives is joyful, helpful, and protective; as a consequence
, some families demand the youngers
to spend Correct your spelling
youngsters
time
with them only. Spending time
with family helps maintaining
the child's beliefs and traditions. For Wrong verb form
maintain
furher
explanation, a study captured that on the one hand, when Correct your spelling
further
children
spend time
with their ancestors, they learn a lot about their own culture; on the other hand
, socilazing
with strangers leads to losing the ties between the child and his background culture. Correct your spelling
socializing
Additionally
, this
helps protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
youngers
from bad Correct your spelling
youngsters
people
. For example
, a lot of mothers acknowledged that their childrens'
friends dramatically affect their decisions, style, and opinions, so they prevent them Change noun form
children's
spending
their free Change preposition
from spending
time
with any stranger, even if they want to.
Although
the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points that hold equal strength. Firstly
, it is important to learn about different cultures. To explain that, many reports illustrated
that learning a variety of customs is helpful and joyful; Wrong verb form
illustrate
however
, to learn others' customs accurately, people
should spend their free time
with strangers. Secondly
, spending leisure time
with limited
number of Change the article
a limited
the limited
people
will leads
to psychological issues in the future. Some articles said that if Change the verb form
lead
children
do not use to make relationships during their childhood, they will not be able to do that during their adulthood. Besides
that, a lot of adults said that it is extremely hard for them to communicate with others because they did not spend time
with strangers when they were children
.
In conclusion, Although
consuming
Verb problem
spending
time
with relatives is useful, cheerful, and safer, communicating with others is more beneficial, attractive, and interesting. As a result
, I believe that children
should make strong bonds out of
their Change preposition
with
family
.Fix the agreement mistake
families
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on
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Introduction
Ensure your introduction provides a clear overview of what will be discussed, offering a hint to your personal stance.
Evidence
Enhance your essay by providing more specific examples and studies to support your arguments, making your claims more convincing.
Coherence
Work on varying your sentence structures and transitions to enhance coherence and readability.
Grammar
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to maintain the clarity of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and provides a clear personal opinion, which is fundamental for Task Achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear organizational structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a separate conclusion, aiding the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, neatly encapsulating both views and reiterating your own opinion, contributing to a strong task achievement.