Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. agree = maintain, own traditions disagree = cultures, problem sosializing
Many parents want their
children
to spend all their leisure Use synonyms
time
with them, Use synonyms
while
some Linking Words
people
say Use synonyms
that is
wrong and will lead to many demerits. In Linking Words
this
report, I will go through both sides and Linking Words
then
allow Linking Words
my
to share my point of view.
Consuming Correct pronoun usage
you
time
with relatives is joyful, helpful, and protective; Use synonyms
as a consequence
, some families demand the Linking Words
youngers
to spend Correct your spelling
youngsters
time
with them only. Spending Use synonyms
time
with family helps Use synonyms
maintaining
the child's beliefs and traditions. For Wrong verb form
maintain
furher
explanation, a study captured that on the one hand, when Correct your spelling
further
children
spend Use synonyms
time
with their ancestors, they learn a lot about their own culture; Use synonyms
on the other hand
, Linking Words
socilazing
with strangers leads to losing the ties between the child and his background culture. Correct your spelling
socializing
Additionally
, Linking Words
this
helps Linking Words
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
youngers
from bad Correct your spelling
youngsters
people
. Use synonyms
For example
, a lot of mothers acknowledged that their Linking Words
childrens'
friends dramatically affect their decisions, style, and opinions, so they prevent them Change noun form
children's
spending
their free Change preposition
from spending
time
with any stranger, even if they want to.
Use synonyms
Although
the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points that hold equal strength. Linking Words
Firstly
, it is important to learn about different cultures. To explain that, many reports Linking Words
illustrated
that learning a variety of customs is helpful and joyful; Wrong verb form
illustrate
however
, to learn others' customs accurately, Linking Words
people
should spend their free Use synonyms
time
with strangers. Use synonyms
Secondly
, spending leisure Linking Words
time
with Use synonyms
limited
number of Change the article
a limited
the limited
people
will Use synonyms
leads
to psychological issues in the future. Some articles said that if Change the verb form
lead
children
do not use to make relationships during their childhood, they will not be able to do that during their adulthood. Use synonyms
Besides
that, a lot of adults said that it is extremely hard for them to communicate with others because they did not spend Linking Words
time
with strangers when they were Use synonyms
children
.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
Although
Linking Words
consuming
Verb problem
spending
time
with relatives is useful, cheerful, and safer, communicating with others is more beneficial, attractive, and interesting. Use synonyms
As a result
, I believe that Linking Words
children
should make strong bonds Use synonyms
out of
their Change preposition
with
family
.Fix the agreement mistake
families
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on
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Introduction
Ensure your introduction provides a clear overview of what will be discussed, offering a hint to your personal stance.
Evidence
Enhance your essay by providing more specific examples and studies to support your arguments, making your claims more convincing.
Coherence
Work on varying your sentence structures and transitions to enhance coherence and readability.
Grammar
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to maintain the clarity of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and provides a clear personal opinion, which is fundamental for Task Achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear organizational structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a separate conclusion, aiding the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, neatly encapsulating both views and reiterating your own opinion, contributing to a strong task achievement.