Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. agree = maintain, own traditions disagree = cultures, problem sosializing

Many parents want their
children
to spend all their leisure
time
with them,
while
some
people
say
that is
wrong and will lead to many demerits. In
this
report, I will go through both sides and
then
allow
my
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
to share my point of view. Consuming
time
with relatives is joyful, helpful, and protective;
as a consequence
, some families demand the
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
to spend
time
with them only. Spending
time
with family helps
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
the child's beliefs and traditions. For
furher
Correct your spelling
further
explanation, a study captured that on the one hand, when
children
spend
time
with their ancestors, they learn a lot about their own culture;
on the other hand
,
socilazing
Correct your spelling
socializing
with strangers leads to losing the ties between the child and his background culture.
Additionally
,
this
helps
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
from bad
people
.
For example
, a lot of mothers acknowledged that their
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
friends dramatically affect their decisions, style, and opinions, so they prevent them
spending
Change preposition
from spending
show examples
their free
time
with any stranger, even if they want to.
Although
the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points that hold equal strength.
Firstly
, it is important to learn about different cultures. To explain that, many reports
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrate
show examples
that learning a variety of customs is helpful and joyful;
however
, to learn others' customs accurately,
people
should spend their free
time
with strangers.
Secondly
, spending leisure
time
with
limited
Change the article
a limited
the limited
show examples
number of
people
will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to psychological issues in the future. Some articles said that if
children
do not use to make relationships during their childhood, they will not be able to do that during their adulthood.
Besides
that, a lot of adults said that it is extremely hard for them to communicate with others because they did not spend
time
with strangers when they were
children
. In conclusion,
Although
consuming
Verb problem
spending
show examples
time
with relatives is useful, cheerful, and safer, communicating with others is more beneficial, attractive, and interesting.
As a result
, I believe that
children
should make strong bonds
out of
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction provides a clear overview of what will be discussed, offering a hint to your personal stance.
Evidence
Enhance your essay by providing more specific examples and studies to support your arguments, making your claims more convincing.
Coherence
Work on varying your sentence structures and transitions to enhance coherence and readability.
Grammar
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to maintain the clarity of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and provides a clear personal opinion, which is fundamental for Task Achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear organizational structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a separate conclusion, aiding the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, neatly encapsulating both views and reiterating your own opinion, contributing to a strong task achievement.
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