The chart below shows the percentage of men and women who did various free-time activities in England in 2006

The chart below shows the percentage of men and women who did various free-time activities in England in 2006
The bar chart compares the number of different leisure time activities for males and females in England in 2016.
Overall
, it can be seen that
men
preferred watching TV and spending time with family,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
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women
percentage spent on doing sports and reading.
To begin
with
men
in 2006 spent just over 75 percent of their time watching TV and being with family at the same level,
according to
the
women
they spent 80% and 70% respectively. The population of
men
who make purchases was less than 70 per
cent
,
however
,
women
comprise 30 per
cent
. 65 per
cent
of
men
went in for sports and
also
read books, but a slightly larger number of
women
went in for sports, which was 75 per
cent
, and only 70 per
cent
read books.
In addition
, the group of males who were interested in using the internet was approximately 43
percent
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per cent
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,
whereas
the opposite gender had a higher percentage around 68.
Finally
, only 5% of
men
were in the playing computer games group compared to 10% of
women
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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