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Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to reduce crime among young people is to teach parents good parenting skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and examples agree = main reason, some wrong disagree = environment, old

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Some people say that teaching
parents
Use synonyms
 how to raise their
children
Use synonyms
 correctly will reduce the percentage of crimes,
while
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 others say that there are other and more effective factors to
committe
Correct your spelling
commit
 murder. In
this
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 report, I will go through both sides and
then
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 allow me to share my point of view. Learning professional parenting
skills
Use synonyms
 is beneficial, effective, and necessary;
as a consequence
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, many people
suggeste
Correct your spelling
suggested
suggest
 that it is essential to learn how to act
acurately
Correct your spelling
accurately
 with
children
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.
Firstly
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, the criminal's background is the main reason for committing a crime. For
further
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 explanation, a study illustrated that the majority of killers,
theives
Correct your spelling
thieves
, and criminals acknowledged that some issues, problems, and situations that happened in the past
affecte
Correct your spelling
affected
affect
affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them, so they become offenders.
Secondly
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, parenting is a job, just like any other one, so it requires learning to become
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
. being a parent is a unique job that
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the whole community, so they should learn how to deal with their
children
Use synonyms
 so that they raise them correctly.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points that hold equal strength. The first one is that the environment is the most effective factor, not the
parents
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'
skills
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.
For example
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, A lot of studies illustrated that many offenders were
influanced
Correct your spelling
influenced
 by their friends; even though their
parents
Use synonyms
 were capable of directing them correctly, they followed their band
instead
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 of their family.
Besides
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 that, teaching ancestors is useless. To explain that, a report
say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
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 that despite the huge number of courses that are offered nowadays, more crimes are happening; which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 that these courses do not help to reduce the percentage of murders.
This
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 is because of having a variety of personalities,
status
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statuses
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, and abilities, some adults acknowledged that when they tried to learn these
skills
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, they recognized that they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 useless;
as a result
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, even though some
parents
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 were learning how to direct their
children
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,
this
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 did not
prevert
Correct your spelling
prevent
 them from being an offender. In conclusion,
although
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effeciant
Correct your spelling
efficient
 parenting
skills
Use synonyms
 are needful, they are not enough to reduce crime among young people. So I do not believe that
this
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 will be the ideal solution.

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Grammar & Spelling
Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and to correct spelling mistakes such as 'committe murder', 'suggeste', 'acurately', and 'proffesional'. Paying attention to these small inaccuracies can significantly improve the overall quality of your writing.
Idea Development
Work on the development of your ideas by providing more detailed examples to support your arguments. While you've presented general statements regarding the influence of parental skills and environmental factors, incorporating specific, real-world examples or statistics would make your points more compelling.
Paragraph Structure
Consider refining the structure of paragraphs to clearly differentiate your introductory sentence, supporting sentences, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next, and use transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.
Balanced Argument
You've effectively introduced both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before stating your own opinion, which is essential for a well-rounded discussion.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points, reiterating your stance without introducing new information, which is a good practice in essay writing.
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