IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that universities should ensure equal representation of men and women in every major. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
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 idea, since
students
Use synonyms
 can attend the curriculum that they like. On one hand, having the same
number
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 of men and women in all degrees is simply unrealistic. Student numbers in the major should depend on the applications rather than be mandatory for equal
gender
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. Mandating the university to fill courses with an equal
number
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 of males and females could potentially limit
students
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' opportunities to pursue their desired major, as schools may restrict their freedom of choice to ensure
gender
Use synonyms
 parity.
For example
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, in the nursing major, there are more female applicants,
whereas
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 only a small
number
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 of men express interest in nursing.
Thus
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, if the university just focuses on the
number
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 of genders, it will break the student's dream.
On the other hand
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, every major profession has its own
gender
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 requirements. I
also
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 believe that people can attend every major that they prefer because the university should be a place to help
students
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 achieve their goals. Every subject has its own appeal aspect;
for example
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,
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
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 machinery is more suitable for males because they have an inherent affinity for machines.
Therefore
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, in reality, major professors are more welcome
males
Change preposition
than males
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.
Consequently
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, educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
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owing to
Verb problem
apply
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arrange the major proportion in
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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students
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interesting
Replace the word
interested
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in
Change preposition
apply
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rather than
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
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 the
gender
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's proportions. In conclusion, every student should have the right to choose the major that they like and find interesting.
This
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 way, nations can produce skilled and diligent professionals.

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task achievement
Consider exploring both sides of the argument more thoroughly to provide a more balanced response, even if your position is clear.
coherence cohesion
Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can enhance the cohesion and flow of your essay.
task achievement
In supporting your arguments, try to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your claims.
task achievement
You have a clear thesis statement and conclusion that reflect your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You’ve structured your essay in a logical manner, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, although more detail could enhance their impact.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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