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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.
#ratio #men #period #women
The illustration above shows the
overall
 comparison
on
Change preposition
of
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 the
rates
 of smoking between men and women in a region known as Someland, from the timespan ranging from 1960 to 2000.
Firstly
, the most noticeable feature of the two lines
present
Change the verb form
presents
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 a decreasing
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
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 of smoking for men
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
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.
While
Correct word choice
In
show examples
in contrast
, there is
an
Change the article
a
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 temporary rise in
rates
 of smoking from
60's
Fix apostrophe usage
'60s
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 to mid
70's
Fix apostrophe usage
'70s
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 which
subsequently
 follows
in
Change preposition
apply
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a steady decline in the remaining period until 90's
arrives
Wrong verb form
arrived
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 giving a
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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fall in trend,
Accordingly
, another thing that can be seen is the general difference in the propensity of smoking among the two genders , men smoke comparatively much more than women but the
rates
 even out in a parallel fashion
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in later years.
Submitted by toqeer44 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rates with synonyms.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ratio
  • trends
  • cultural factors
  • societal influences
  • biological factors
  • awareness campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • correlated declines
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • stress levels
  • employment status
  • education levels
  • income
  • advertising
  • tobacco industry
  • marketing tactics
  • demographics
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