IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.
#ratio #men #period #women
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The illustration above shows the
overall
Linking Words
 comparison
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
rates
Use synonyms
 of smoking between men and women in a region known as Someland, from the timespan ranging from 1960 to 2000.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the most noticeable feature of the two lines
present
Change the verb form
presents
show examples
 a decreasing
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of smoking for men
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
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.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
In
show examples
in contrast
Linking Words
, there is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 temporary rise in
rates
Use synonyms
 of smoking from
60's
Fix apostrophe usage
'60s
show examples
 to mid
70's
Fix apostrophe usage
'70s
show examples
 which
subsequently
Linking Words
 follows
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a steady decline in the remaining period until 90's
arrives
Wrong verb form
arrived
show examples
 giving a
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
fall in trend,
Accordingly
Linking Words
, another thing that can be seen is the general difference in the propensity of smoking among the two genders , men smoke comparatively much more than women but the
rates
Use synonyms
 even out in a parallel fashion
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in later years.
Submitted by toqeer44 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rates with synonyms.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ratio
  • trends
  • cultural factors
  • societal influences
  • biological factors
  • awareness campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • correlated declines
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • stress levels
  • employment status
  • education levels
  • income
  • advertising
  • tobacco industry
  • marketing tactics
  • demographics
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