IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting where condition are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefit and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places

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These days, travelling around the world is becoming popular rapidly owing to gaining knowledge and experience.
However
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, there is a change in
this
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 trend because nowadays, most travellers tend to visit areas with difficult conditions
for example
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 Sahara desert and the Antarctic. There can be both pros and cons of
this
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 approach that I will justify in the upcoming paragraphs. The first and foremost advantage of travelling to
such
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places
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 is to broaden your horizons.
For instance
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, when a tourist goes to the desert, he encounters numerous challenges
such
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 as where to go? and what to eat?
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes him strong and brave.
Moreover
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, in
this
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 way, since a visitor obtains experience, it can be shared with other people.
Consequently
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, an experienced person can provide knowledge to others which can help others to explore more things in their surroundings.
On the other hand
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, despite having some benefits, there are certain drawbacks. First of all, visiting
such
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places
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 can lead a person to death.
For example
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, in the deserts, it is hard to survive without food and water if a person forgets the exact route to his destination.
In addition
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 to
this
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, every year, approximately 100 to 150 people die
due to
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 travelling hard
places
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.
As a result
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, visitors should have a proper guide to their destination to avoid the chances of following the wrong path
while
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 travelling. In conclusion, travelling not only allows people to attain some information about
such
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places
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 but
also
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 helps to gain experience.
Although
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 there are some positive aspects of
this
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 trend, its drawbacks should not be neglected as it can cause death to visit
such
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places
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement. Using a mix of complex, compound, and simple sentences can make your essay more dynamic.
Task Achievement
While you provided examples, developing these with more depth could strengthen your argument. For instance, explore not only the challenges but also how they impact a traveler's perspective or personal growth.
Introduction and Conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, creating a clear framework for your discussion.
Supported Main Points
Your main points were supported with relevant examples, effectively illustrating the benefits and challenges of traveling to difficult conditions.
Logical Structure
Your essay maintained a logical flow of ideas, making it easy to follow your argument throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unspoiled nature
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • diverse wildlife
  • sense of adventure
  • self-reliance
  • resilience
  • problem-solving skills
  • personal challenge
  • transformative experience
  • cultural awareness
  • environmental awareness
  • fragility of ecosystems
  • global diversity
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable practices
  • specialized gear
  • guides and permits
  • accessibility
  • basic amenities
  • economic benefits
  • local communities
  • job creation
  • demand for local services
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