IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Governments spend an enormous amount of money on renovations of old buildings in large cities. Some believe that this money can be better spent on building new houses and developing roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#governments #amount #money #renovations #buildings #cities #believe #houses #roads
Policy
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The policy
A policy
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 of
governments
 is
bedrock
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the bedrock
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 of economic development. It is,
therefore
, not surprising to see how it has caused
a
Correct article usage
apply
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controversy
among
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in
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 society about
governments
Correct word choice
whether governments
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 should spend
money
for
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on
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renovation
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the renovation
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 of old
structure
Fix the agreement mistake
structures
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 or
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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new
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of new
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 roads. Some people firmly support their argument,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 adamantly object to it. I have solid reasons to agree with both two which are new facilities and historical heritage.
To begin
 with, supporters of
this
 matter strongly claim that new facilities link to
development
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the development
show examples
 level of society.
This
 is a very convincing argument because
Correct article usage
the budgets'
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budgets'
Change noun form
budgets
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 of
governments
 are limited by taxes and incomes. It may be argued that
this
 is very crucial as the fundamental responsibility of
governments
 is spending
money
 for a better life standard.
Thus
, improving
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of city life (
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 new facilities
such
 as building new houses,
developing
Correct word choice
and developing
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 roads) plays a significant role in
this
 issue. In short, the advocates of
this
 matter
point
 out that limited
money
 must
spend
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be spent
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necessary
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on necessary
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 needs,
this
 is
a
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apply
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rational.
On the other hand
, opponents of
this
 matter have a different
point
 of view. They emphasize that old buildings are
historical
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the historical
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 and cultural heritage of
city
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the city
show examples
.
This
 is
also
 a quite satisfactory argument depending on
fact
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the fact
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 that renovation is profitable for
governments
 because it can
be use
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be used
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like
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as
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museum
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a museum
the museum
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, or art gallery.
Also
,
governments
 shun
from
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apply
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building a new apartment because it takes a lot of
money
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to renovation
such
 as new materials,
new
Correct word choice
and new
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 workers. It is worth stating that
this
 is a persuasive
point
 as
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 policy is
key
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the key
a key
show examples
point
 of these perspectives. In short, it can be concluded that aspect many
as well as
.
To conclude
, people have a totally different perspective on
this
 situation.
Nevertheless
, when everything is taken into account, I am inclined to believe that there should be a deliciated balance between these two arguments.
Submitted by emiretatli7 on

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Examples
Consider expanding your ideas with more detailed examples to strengthen your argument for each viewpoint.
Structure
Work on providing a clearer structure to your essay. Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow it with supporting details.
Transitions
To enhance coherence, aim for smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
Conclusion
A more nuanced conclusion that reflects a synthesis of the arguments presented would strengthen your essay. Try to clearly state your position in relation to the prompt.
Balanced Viewpoint
You provided a balanced viewpoint on the issue, considering both sides of the argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and outline the topic and your viewpoint, which helps frame your essay.
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