IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments spend an enormous amount of money on renovations of old buildings in large cities. Some believe that this money can be better spent on building new houses and developing roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#governments #amount #money #renovations #buildings #cities #believe #houses #roads
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Policy
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The policy
A policy
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 of
governments
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 is
bedrock
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the bedrock
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 of economic development. It is,
therefore
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, not surprising to see how it has caused
a
Correct article usage
apply
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controversy
among
Change preposition
in
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 society about
Use synonyms
governments
Correct word choice
whether governments
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 should spend
money
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for
Change preposition
on
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renovation
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the renovation
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 of old
structure
Fix the agreement mistake
structures
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 or
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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new
Change preposition
of new
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 roads. Some people firmly support their argument,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 adamantly object to it. I have solid reasons to agree with both two which are new facilities and historical heritage.
To begin
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 with, supporters of
this
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 matter strongly claim that new facilities link to
development
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the development
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 level of society.
This
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 is a very convincing argument because
Correct article usage
the budgets'
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budgets'
Change noun form
budgets
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 of
governments
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 are limited by taxes and incomes. It may be argued that
this
Linking Words
 is very crucial as the fundamental responsibility of
governments
Use synonyms
 is spending
money
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 for a better life standard.
Thus
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, improving
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of city life (
by
Change preposition
through
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 new facilities
such
Linking Words
 as building new houses,
developing
Correct word choice
and developing
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 roads) plays a significant role in
this
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 issue. In short, the advocates of
this
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 matter
point
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 out that limited
money
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 must
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
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necessary
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on necessary
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 needs,
this
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 is
a
Change the article
apply
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rational.
On the other hand
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, opponents of
this
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 matter have a different
point
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 of view. They emphasize that old buildings are
historical
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the historical
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 and cultural heritage of
city
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the city
show examples
.
This
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 is
also
Linking Words
 a quite satisfactory argument depending on
fact
Add an article
the fact
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 that renovation is profitable for
governments
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 because it can
be use
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be used
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like
Change preposition
as
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museum
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a museum
the museum
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, or art gallery.
Also
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,
governments
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 shun
from
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apply
show examples
building a new apartment because it takes a lot of
money
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to renovation
such
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 as new materials,
new
Correct word choice
and new
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 workers. It is worth stating that
this
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 is a persuasive
point
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 as
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 policy is
key
Add an article
the key
a key
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point
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 of these perspectives. In short, it can be concluded that aspect many
as well as
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.
To conclude
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, people have a totally different perspective on
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Nevertheless
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, when everything is taken into account, I am inclined to believe that there should be a deliciated balance between these two arguments.
Submitted by emiretatli7 on

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Examples
Consider expanding your ideas with more detailed examples to strengthen your argument for each viewpoint.
Structure
Work on providing a clearer structure to your essay. Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow it with supporting details.
Transitions
To enhance coherence, aim for smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
Conclusion
A more nuanced conclusion that reflects a synthesis of the arguments presented would strengthen your essay. Try to clearly state your position in relation to the prompt.
Balanced Viewpoint
You provided a balanced viewpoint on the issue, considering both sides of the argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and outline the topic and your viewpoint, which helps frame your essay.
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