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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart compares the proportion of boys and girls who participated in various sports in the year 2002

The bar chart compares the proportion of boys and girls who participated in various sports in the year 2002
#bar #proportion #boys #girls #sports #year
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The bar graph illustrates the number of boys and girls in England town there are
participating
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
in five
sports
Use synonyms
 tennis , badminton , cycling , swimming, football and hockey in 2002. As reflected y axis proportion of people from 0 to 70 with an interval of ten participants.
Overall
Linking Words
,the highest percentage of
sports
Use synonyms
 that
according to
Linking Words
 male section it is football ; where, it is considered that hokey undermost among
sports
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, female sections have a high percentage of tennis,
while
Linking Words
 a hokey same a male section at least level. In general, among men in
this
Linking Words
 survey around 60 people preferred playing football more than other
sports
Use synonyms
 ;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, tennis and swimming had about 50 boys and approximately 42 , respectively.As for cycling have almost 36 participants the third favorite sport in the chart.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 play of the hokey shortened level in the table. In fact , the percentage of
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 choosing swimming in the female section reached 50 girls higher play.
Also
Linking Words
 , badminton
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 second chosen
according to
Linking Words
 the graph proportion of 40.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 , teenagers
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 prefer are higher than the younger by 10%.
Submitted by saad.444221 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, nevertheless".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sports with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion
  • Participation
  • Gender disparity
  • Societal norms
  • Physical demands
  • Sports facilities
  • Traditional gender roles
  • Inclusiveness
  • Accessibility
  • Appeal
  • Gender equality
  • Contemporary trends
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