IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people soy thol industrial growth is necessory to solve poverty, but some other people orgue that industrial growth is causing environmental problems and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we are going to discuss
about
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apply
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Industrial
growth
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.
Does Industrial
Correct your spelling
Is industrial
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growth
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 a necessity to solve poverty? or does
this
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causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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 environmental issues?
Its
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It's
It is
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 a relevant topic which is ongoing in the current scenario. As we all know
that
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apply
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, the
country
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 we are living
today
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in today
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 has witnessed
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of Industrial
growth
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. Industrial
growth
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 was one
among
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of
show examples
 the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 for the successful economic
growth
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 of the
country
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.
For instance
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, Industrial
growth
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 produced a wide range of employment opportunities, that reduced unemployment issues of the youth, thereby abolishing poverty which in turn
lead
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led
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 to the economic
growth
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 of the nation. Apart from that it
also
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 minimized man power replacing
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
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 machine power. That was a drastic
growth
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. Not just
this
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, the modern technologies
what
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that
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 we are using today
is
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are
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 all part of the Industrial evolution.
For example
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, vehicles, machines etc.
In contrast
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, Industrial
growth
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 caused
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of effects on the environment. Especially, in
case
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the case
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 of water bodies, air and soil. Tons of waste materials that
has
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have
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 been excreted from the factories
where
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were
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 mainly dumped
to
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into
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 the water and
to
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into
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 the soil resulting
huge
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in huge
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 environmental pollution.
Besides
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, the polluted air omitted from these industries enhanced air pollution as well. It
also
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 adversely affected the health of the locals around these industries
due to
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 the harmful chemicals expelled as a part of
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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 process. I do remember a lesson learned in my school about the causes of environmental pollution
due to
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 industrial
growth
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. It was about the story of
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the charminar
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charminar
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Charminar
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 river that got badly affected by an industry on the banks of the river.
To sum up
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, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 industrial
growth
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 is always good for the
growth
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 of the
country
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.
However
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, it can
also
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 cause harmful effects on people and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 if not handled properly. I personally suggest industrial
growth
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 is necessary for the
country
Use synonyms
 to eradicate poverty but that shouldn't be a threat to the environment.

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Task Achievement
To further enhance your task achievement, strive for a deeper analysis and more nuanced discussion on how industrial growth should be managed to mitigate its environmental impacts while still reducing poverty. This could involve citing specific measures or policies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This can help your essay flow more smoothly and improve reader comprehension.
Introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear thesis statement, laying a solid foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good balance by discussing both views on industrial growth, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.
Conclusion
The conclusion successfully recapitulates your argument and reaffirms your stance, effectively rounding off the essay.
Supported Main Points
You provided relevant examples and consequences of industrial growth on both the economy and the environment, supporting your main points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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