IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people soy thol industrial growth is necessory to solve poverty, but some other people orgue that industrial growth is causing environmental problems and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #soy #thol #growth #necessory #poverty #orgue
In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we are going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Industrial
growth
.
Does Industrial
Correct your spelling
Is industrial
show examples
growth
 a necessity to solve poverty? or does
this
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 environmental issues?
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 a relevant topic which is ongoing in the current scenario. As we all know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, the
country
 we are living
today
Change preposition
in today
show examples
 has witnessed
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of Industrial
growth
. Industrial
growth
 was one
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for the successful economic
growth
 of the
country
.
For instance
, Industrial
growth
 produced a wide range of employment opportunities, that reduced unemployment issues of the youth, thereby abolishing poverty which in turn
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to the economic
growth
 of the nation. Apart from that it
also
 minimized man power replacing
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
 machine power. That was a drastic
growth
. Not just
this
, the modern technologies
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 we are using today
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 all part of the Industrial evolution.
For example
, vehicles, machines etc.
In contrast
, Industrial
growth
 caused
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of effects on the environment. Especially, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of water bodies, air and soil. Tons of waste materials that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been excreted from the factories
where
Correct your spelling
were
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 mainly dumped
to
Change preposition
into
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 the water and
to
Change preposition
into
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 the soil resulting
huge
Change preposition
in huge
show examples
 environmental pollution.
Besides
, the polluted air omitted from these industries enhanced air pollution as well. It
also
 adversely affected the health of the locals around these industries
due to
 the harmful chemicals expelled as a part of
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
 process. I do remember a lesson learned in my school about the causes of environmental pollution
due to
 industrial
growth
. It was about the story of
Correct article usage
the charminar
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charminar
Change the capitalization
Charminar
show examples
 river that got badly affected by an industry on the banks of the river.
To sum up
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 industrial
growth
 is always good for the
growth
 of the
country
.
However
, it can
also
 cause harmful effects on people and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 if not handled properly. I personally suggest industrial
growth
 is necessary for the
country
 to eradicate poverty but that shouldn't be a threat to the environment.
Submitted by praneeth2094 on

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Task Achievement
To further enhance your task achievement, strive for a deeper analysis and more nuanced discussion on how industrial growth should be managed to mitigate its environmental impacts while still reducing poverty. This could involve citing specific measures or policies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This can help your essay flow more smoothly and improve reader comprehension.
Introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear thesis statement, laying a solid foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good balance by discussing both views on industrial growth, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.
Conclusion
The conclusion successfully recapitulates your argument and reaffirms your stance, effectively rounding off the essay.
Supported Main Points
You provided relevant examples and consequences of industrial growth on both the economy and the environment, supporting your main points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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