IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people see sports only as a leisure activity, while others believe sports play a more important role. Discuss both views and give your option.

#people #sports #leisure #activity #role #option
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Nowadays, It is often considered by some
people
Use synonyms
 that 
sport
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
  just for relaxation and 
Use synonyms
time westing
Correct your spelling
time-wasting
show examples
 activity,
while
Linking Words
 there are
people
Use synonyms
 that disagree with
this
Linking Words
 and
support
Use synonyms
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
 very pivotal factor in our life for  being healthy.
That is
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 why, there are
nomerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 reasons
Use synonyms
support
Fix the infinitive
to support
show examples
 that 
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 competitions
such
Linking Words
 as football were  organized for
time
Use synonyms
westing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
other
Correct pronoun usage
Others
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 argue
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities can stabilize our health
for example
Linking Words
 jogging and I rely on their option.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
. The majority who believe
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
 is merely
time
Use synonyms
waster
Correct your spelling
time-wasting
show examples
 occurrence count on several arguments.
Firstly
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,
according to
Linking Words
 calculations, mainly unemployed persons attend
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 types of activities. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others
employed
Add a missing verb
are employed
show examples
 in doing their day jobs.
This
Linking Words
 shows that,
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities
partly
Add a missing verb
are partly
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 for spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
enjoyable
Replace the word
enjoyment
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.
In addition
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, some sports like football
play
Wrong verb form
are played
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informal
Change the word
informally
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 in private
little
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
, and they are usually  just for refreshment.
Majority
Add an article
The majority
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 that
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events are
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 important part of our life
due to
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can mitigate harmful
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 through
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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  running
marathon
Add an article
a marathon
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 or
in other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
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 jogging is one of the organized
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 especially in our society. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 blood circulation whole body
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 when jogging.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 we may reach big amount of healthy bodies.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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many
people
Use synonyms
 believe
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events
mainly
Add a missing verb
are mainly
show examples
 for relaxation.
While
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 protest
this
Linking Words
 idea which they think
sport
Use synonyms
 is directly vital  part of our life. by considering the argument I guess the latter view is more reliable and I
support
Use synonyms
 it.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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Task Achievement
Seek to directly address the question posed in a clear and structured manner from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Provide clear and distinct examples to support your points for a stronger argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically and clearly, ensuring there's a smooth flow from one idea to the next.
General
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to avoid misunderstandings and improve the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed both views as the prompt requested.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarized your personal stance on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • relaxation
  • unwind
  • socialize
  • non-essential
  • recreational
  • physical health
  • fitness
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • community pride
  • national pride
  • career opportunities
  • personal development
  • societal well-being
  • balanced view
  • acknowledge
  • benefits
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