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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

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Tiny businesses and city
markets
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 became out of service in several states because individuals are interested in huge supermarkets. So ,
this
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 means that poor
people
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 in every country will not be able to access these companies and purchase their needs . There are many positive sides to
this
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 fashion
as well as
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 a number of downsides. On
one
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 hand, The main advantage of
this
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 phenomenon may be the availability
Change preposition
of need
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need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 of individuals existing in
one
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 avenue. If the consumers are able to get their concerns from
one
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please
Correct your spelling
place
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, that will encourage these commercial institutions to make all of the daily items available. Another great feature of
this
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 trend is, competitivethe competitive prices provided by these associated.
For example
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, many
people
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 today attend these
markets
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 to sell all their materials in
one
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 place and at the best price. On the other sides , the remoteness of these shops might be the obvious cons of
this
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 recent trend.
For example
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, a poor person is not able to reach these places, indeed, if that person were to visit these
markets
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, he would probably spend money on transport means. Another darkness is that these trades may designed to appropriate with needs of rich
people
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, For
this
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 ordinary individuals could find great difficulties in obtaining their purpose from these
markets
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.
For instance
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, these
markets
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originally
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were originally
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 designed to obtain diverse products
whereas
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, some
people
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 need to get only a few items.
To sum up
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,
although
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 these commercial places provided great services for
people
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 and made everything available,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 made some of those who have limited income suffer. So , I think that the advantages of these trends outweigh the disadvantages because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 make the market process
more
Change the word
apply
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easier and easier.

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Coherence
Consider creating clearer distinctions between paragraphs using formatting or clear indicators like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' etc., to enhance logical flow.
Cohesion
A richer variety of linking words could improve the cohesion between your ideas and paragraphs. Try incorporating words like 'However,' 'Moreover,' 'In contrast,' etc.
Task Achievement
Be sure to address the prompt directly throughout your essay. If the question asks to compare advantages and disadvantages, ensure both sides are balanced in your discussion.
Task Achievement
Including more focused examples that directly relate to the advantages outweighing disadvantages would strengthen your argument and clarify your position.
Structure
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion to frame your response.
Examples
Good attempt to provide examples to support your claims, enhancing the overall clarity of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal mobility
  • convenience
  • commuting
  • quality of life
  • personalized space
  • carbon emissions
  • global warming
  • air pollution
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental degradation
  • resource depletion
  • electric vehicles
  • carpooling
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