As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

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Tiny businesses and city
markets
became out of service in several states because individuals are interested in huge supermarkets. So ,
this
means that poor
people
in every country will not be able to access these companies and purchase their needs . There are many positive sides to
this
fashion
as well as
a number of downsides. On
one
hand, The main advantage of
this
phenomenon may be the availability
Change preposition
of need
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
of individuals existing in
one
avenue. If the consumers are able to get their concerns from
one
please
Correct your spelling
place
show examples
, that will encourage these commercial institutions to make all of the daily items available. Another great feature of
this
trend is, competitivethe competitive prices provided by these associated.
For example
, many
people
today attend these
markets
to sell all their materials in
one
place and at the best price. On the other sides , the remoteness of these shops might be the obvious cons of
this
recent trend.
For example
, a poor person is not able to reach these places, indeed, if that person were to visit these
markets
, he would probably spend money on transport means. Another darkness is that these trades may designed to appropriate with needs of rich
people
, For
this
ordinary individuals could find great difficulties in obtaining their purpose from these
markets
.
For instance
, these
markets
originally
Add a missing verb
were originally
show examples
designed to obtain diverse products
whereas
, some
people
need to get only a few items.
To sum up
,
although
these commercial places provided great services for
people
and made everything available,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
made some of those who have limited income suffer. So , I think that the advantages of these trends outweigh the disadvantages because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
make the market process
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier and easier.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Coherence
Consider creating clearer distinctions between paragraphs using formatting or clear indicators like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' etc., to enhance logical flow.
Cohesion
A richer variety of linking words could improve the cohesion between your ideas and paragraphs. Try incorporating words like 'However,' 'Moreover,' 'In contrast,' etc.
Task Achievement
Be sure to address the prompt directly throughout your essay. If the question asks to compare advantages and disadvantages, ensure both sides are balanced in your discussion.
Task Achievement
Including more focused examples that directly relate to the advantages outweighing disadvantages would strengthen your argument and clarify your position.
Structure
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion to frame your response.
Examples
Good attempt to provide examples to support your claims, enhancing the overall clarity of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal mobility
  • convenience
  • commuting
  • quality of life
  • personalized space
  • carbon emissions
  • global warming
  • air pollution
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental degradation
  • resource depletion
  • electric vehicles
  • carpooling
What to do next:
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