Children of different ages and countries play computer games these days. Parents think these computer games have little educational value and have harmful effects on children. What is your opinion?
Nowadays,
computer
games
are played by children
from various ages and countries. While
some parents
believe that it has positive sides, I stand with those who think that computer
games
bring much more negative impacts to children
.
On the one hand, computer
games
have some benefits for children
. First,
children
can spend their leisure time
playing games
on a computer
, thus
it can reduce their stress levels. Although
they are young and some people may think they do not have stress levels as high as adults, children
still can feel stress since they may have a lot of homework from school. Secondly
, playing games
on a computer
actually may drive children
to learn about collaboration as usually, the games
require good teamwork with other players so that they can win the games
.
On the other hand
, games
on computers can pose more drawbacks for children
. First and foremost, the
Correct article usage
apply
games
can make an addiction and thus
children
can not control how much time
they have to spend. For instance
, during the weekends when there is no school or other schedules, they can play games
all day long, and that is
totally bad for their health. Playing computer
games
for a long time
can raise eye irritation which is harmful since they are still young. Moreover
, if they get addicted to computer
games
, they can grow individually and become a less social person.
In conclusion, although
computer
games
still have positive effects, I believe it
have more negative effects on Correct pronoun usage
they
children
. Computer
games
can make children
become addicted and later on, influence their health as well as
their social skills. Therefore
, I suppose parents
to go side by side with their children
while
playing games
. Parents
can make some rules if their child wants to play, such
as playing days, time
duration, or even the type of games
children
can play.Children
of different ages and countries play computer
games
these days. Parents
think these computer
games
have little educational value and have harmful effects on children
. What is your opinion?Submitted by mmmuuu on
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Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your arguments, particularly when discussing the negative impacts of computer games on children. While general statements are made, the essay could be strengthened by including concrete examples or referencing studies/research.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, try to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Phrases that signal contrasts or concessions ('However,', 'Despite this,') can make your argument more fluid and easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Review and vary your sentence structures for added complexity and to avoid repetition. While your essay demonstrates a good range, more diversity in sentence construction could enhance readability and engagement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your opinion and summarizing your main points in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of children playing computer games, which meets the task requirement effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example