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Band 4.5

Increasingly, many governments around the world are choosing to provide greater funding for scientific and technological development rather than investing in arts and culture. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#governments #world #development #arts #culture
Nowadays, there are a high number of governments in all nations spending a lot of money on scientists and technology trends, rather than
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. I believe that
this
 is a drawback in development. The primary reason why
arts
 are important is the development of skills that
people
 can have throughout their lives.
Arts
 can motivate
people
 to be creative and imaginative.
For
this
 reason, many children can improve their skills if they grow up with plenty of different types of
arts
.
For example
, if government funding and investment in
arts
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will help all individuals
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enhance
talent
Correct pronoun usage
their talent
show examples
 and create opportunities for themselves to be better in their lives and their societies. The second reason is the expression of feelings and culture.
People
 can express their thoughts and their culture through
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, which will help them to reduce stress. To illustrate, many experts say
arts
 are incredibly therapeutic for
people
 who are suffering from mental health issues or anxiety.
In addition
, if
people
 are encouraged to create art, that will boost the economy by attracting visitors and tourists.
As a result
, governments can benefit greatly from
this
 money to improve all services. In conclusion, art can help
people
 to be creative and imaginative
as well as
 express their feelings and thoughts.
That is
 a greater investment for governments. In my opinion, I think all areas
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 science and art should be treated equally because
this
 will help all workplaces and individuals.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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examples
Try to provide more specific examples from real-life or historical events to support your arguments. While you mention the general benefits of arts and give hypothetical situations, tangible examples would strengthen your case.
cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly from one paragraph to another. This will help to ensure your essay flows logically.
balance
For an even stronger response, you could also explore the opposing viewpoint briefly, to acknowledge why some governments prioritize scientific and technological development, before reiterating your stance. This would add depth to your essay.
position
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which is a key strength in addressing the task.
structure
You did a good job of organizing your essay into paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea, which made your argument easy to follow.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, a good practice in essay writing.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • economic growth
  • global competitiveness
  • innovations
  • job creation
  • societal welfare
  • strategic move
  • future prosperity
  • heritage and identity
  • fostering creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • quality of life
  • cultural diversity
  • human experience
  • cultural impoverishment
  • critical thinking
  • empathy
  • balanced approach
  • well-rounded society
  • cultural heritage
  • economically prosperous
  • culturally vibrant
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