IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #uk #time #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table shows
last
Linking Words
 year's proportion of males and females spending their
time
Use synonyms
 in the UK who are unemployed. It is noticeable that the unemployed people spent their
time
Use synonyms
 in 14 categories throughout their day. for male, most of them spent their
time
Use synonyms
 finding jobs during the morning . And for female, most of them spent their
time
Use synonyms
 doing house chores during the day
time
Use synonyms
. During the morning, 22% of unemployed
men
Use synonyms
 spent their
time
Use synonyms
 hunting for jobs
while
Linking Words
 49% of unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 were busy doing house chores.
This
Linking Words
 trend was followed by 20% of
men
Use synonyms
 and 26% of
women
Use synonyms
 who spent their
time
Use synonyms
 shopping during that
time
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. In contrast, around 2% of
men
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 spent their
time
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 drinking and 3% of them doing nothing.
While
Linking Words
 1% of
women
Use synonyms
 spent their
time
Use synonyms
 either drinking or playing sports.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the unemployed
men
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 enjoyed attending to garden or watching TV in the afternoon among all 14 categories with 13% and 14% respectively.
Women
Use synonyms
 tend to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on the same trend in the morning
time
Use synonyms
 which is 21% on housework and 17% on shopping respectively.
Submitted by laishweyee91 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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