IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #uk #time #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The table shows
last
 year's proportion of males and females spending their
time
 in the UK who are unemployed. It is noticeable that the unemployed people spent their
time
 in 14 categories throughout their day. for male, most of them spent their
time
 finding jobs during the morning . And for female, most of them spent their
time
 doing house chores during the day
time
. During the morning, 22% of unemployed
men
 spent their
time
 hunting for jobs
while
 49% of unemployed
women
 were busy doing house chores.
This
 trend was followed by 20% of
men
 and 26% of
women
 who spent their
time
 shopping during that
time
. In contrast, around 2% of
men
 spent their
time
 drinking and 3% of them doing nothing.
While
 1% of
women
 spent their
time
 either drinking or playing sports.
On the other hand
, the unemployed
men
 enjoyed attending to garden or watching TV in the afternoon among all 14 categories with 13% and 14% respectively.
Women
 tend to spend their
time
 on the same trend in the morning
time
 which is 21% on housework and 17% on shopping respectively.
Submitted by laishweyee91 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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