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Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists
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Scientists
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
experts
Use synonyms
 seem to be more valued by modern
society
Use synonyms
 than musicians and
artists
Use synonyms
. To what extent do you agree? Science and art are two pillars of the modern
society
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.
However
Linking Words
, it is thought that
scientists
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
experts
Use synonyms
to be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more loved and valued by
people
Use synonyms
 in modern
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will be discussed both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of view. On the one hand,
scientists
Use synonyms
 and
experts
Use synonyms
 have
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
Correct article usage
a significantly
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significantly
Change the word
significant
show examples
 role in human lives. The innovations and discoveries have brought convenience life of
people
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
technology
Use synonyms
 is developing, life of
people
Use synonyms
 is becoming easier.
For example
Linking Words
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 can chat with their relatives, families or friends when they want time from all over the world in today. It is undeniable that everything
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 changed
after
Change preposition
since
show examples
 which internet,
mobile
Correct word choice
and mobile
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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invented
Add a missing verb
were invented
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is normal that
scientists
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
experts
Use synonyms
 seem to be more valued for they have revolutionized
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
an individual’s life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, musicians and
artists
Use synonyms
 are no less loved and valued by the
society
Use synonyms
. A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 resort to forms of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to eschew daily stress. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
alleviate
Change the verb form
to alleviate
show examples
 stress, soothe their mind and forget their all troubles. In social media, there are various musician channels
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the number of followers of
such
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 channels is more than others. So, these factors view that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
society
Use synonyms
treat
Change the verb form
treats
show examples
 art equally as science and
technology
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that modern
society
Use synonyms
value
Change the verb form
values
show examples
 more science and
technology
Use synonyms
experts
Use synonyms
 than
artists
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
love
Correct subject-verb agreement
loves
show examples
 or
value
Correct subject-verb agreement
values
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 equally both
scientists
Use synonyms
 and
artists
Use synonyms
, because
scientists
Use synonyms
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 contributions to
people
Use synonyms
’s lives,
Use synonyms
artists
Correct word choice
and artists
show examples
 play a major role in the
overall
Linking Words
 development of individuals.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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Language Use
Ensure your essay presents varied and accurate sentence structures.
Argument Development
Develop your main points further with specific examples for stronger argumentation.
Positioning
Work on clarifying your stance throughout the essay to maintain a consistent viewpoint.
Argument Balance
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
Structural Elements
Good use of an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay.
Examples Usage
Relevant examples were used to support your points, enhancing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • modern society
  • scientists
  • technology experts
  • musicians
  • artists
  • reliance
  • scientific advancements
  • practical benefits
  • driving economic growth
  • daily lives
  • culture
  • human emotions
  • express ideas
  • provoke thought
  • spiritual well-being
  • emotional well-being
  • preserving cultural heritage
  • subjective nature
  • diversity
What to do next:
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