IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people belive that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad's person nature. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #belive #crime #poverty #person #nature
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Nobody can deny that, the
crime
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 rate has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased dramatically, doubting
people
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 about the major reason why it has been
occuring throught
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occurring throughout
 the decades. Some individuals believe that it has happened
due to
Linking Words
 poverty and personal issues,
whereas
Linking Words
 others consider it as the result of
human's
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human
show examples
 nature.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide my own view. First and foremost, the well-known reason why
do
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 commit a
crime
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 is the
insufficency
Correct your spelling
insufficiency
 of morals of those
people
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. It means that
,
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apply
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 figures tend to do delinquencies
due to
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 illiteracy and lack of their
knowledgies
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knowledge
, the non-existence of their degrees. In their youth, they were
might
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apply
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told about the unessentialness of
future
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a future
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 degree,
for instance
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, about the time-consuming of transforming to be a breadwinner and earn money.
Furthermore
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, it depends on
person's
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the person's
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 parents. If a person was informed correctly about the bad
consequencies
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consequences
 of
commiting
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committing
 a
crime
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, he or she would understand and try to earn money in
honest
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an honest
show examples
 way. It is usually related to youth as they grow day by day and should be directed correctly. In
this
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 case, it
depend
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depends
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 on parents how they are mature in life. Turning to
individual's
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individual
show examples
 nature,
it
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apply
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is
also
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 considered as one
the
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of the
show examples
 reasons since
people
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are tend
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tend
show examples
 to be unique and lazy
of
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about
show examples
 earning money. Definitely, they are usually immature and un-informed about the meaning of life. From my perspective,
this
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 type of
people
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,
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apply
show examples
 should be directed and told by mentally wise individuals because they are
only
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the only
show examples
 ones who can truly re-direct and alter their mindsets.
For example
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, in Canada, many criminals have changed their
personality
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personalities
show examples
 owing to
expert's
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experts'
show examples
 psychological lessons and led to
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a deacrease
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deacrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
decreased
the
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in the
show examples
crime
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 rate. All in all and in my opinion, many
people
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, especially
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation, tend to change their characters to
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
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 view,
due to
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 the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society might
influnce
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influence
 on person's
trait
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traits
show examples
 and affect
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 behaviours.
Submitted by adiletnursoltanov on

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Introduction
Your essay well addresses the topic, but to improve, ensure your introduction clearly outlines your argument. This establishes the foundation for your discussion.
Developing Arguments
Expand on your examples to show a stronger connection between your arguments and the examples you choose. This strengthens your points and provides a clearer understanding for the reader.
Language Use
Watch for grammatical errors and aim for precision in your language choice. This will improve readability and make your arguments more persuasive.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay. Consider clearly stating your opinion here to reinforce your position on the issue.
Paragraph Structure
Use paragraphing to organize your ideas more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations.
Balanced Discussion
You effectively discuss both views of the issue, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
Conclusion
You provide a conclusion that sums up the discussion. Your own view is implied, though making it explicit could strengthen your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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