IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.

The chart below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.
#hours #minutes #uk #males #females #activities
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The table illustrates data about the average
time
Use synonyms
, in
hours
Use synonyms
 and minutes, of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on various
activities
Use synonyms
 during the
day
Use synonyms
 in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the table that
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 in a
day
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 sleep and leisure
activities
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 in employment and study than
women
Use synonyms
 do in housework. In detail, males spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
, slightly over a third
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 24
hours
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, for sleep.
This
Linking Words
followed
Add a missing verb
was followed
show examples
 by leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 and employment and study
time
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 for 5.25 and 3.45
hours
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, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
consume
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 more than one hour a
day
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing the housework, travelling, and eating and drinking. Meanwhile, the least amount of
time
Use synonyms
 that
men
Use synonyms
 spend are other
activities
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. As we can see, just like
men
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
 use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of their
time
Use synonyms
 to sleep and leisure
activities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
three
hours
Use synonyms
 a
day
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing housework which
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 than half times
than
Correct word choice
what
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 do.
Women
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 spend their
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
resting, childcare, voluntary work and meetings, and taking personal care more than
men
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours, men, women, activities, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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