IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In
this
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 contemporary era, more and more
people
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 rely on
science
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 and technology. The main goal of
science
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 subject is to enhance the lives of the
people
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explore why I completely agree with
this
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 statement. The first reason why I totally agree that the aim of
science
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 is to develop
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people’s
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 lives is because
this
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 is useful for
people
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 to protect themselves from bad
weather
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condition
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conditions
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. There is a lot of uncertainty about climate
changes
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change
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, which can affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
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people’s
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 day-to-day lives. The
weather
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 forecast system developed by
science
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Linking Words
that
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apply
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is capable of predicting the climate
condition
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conditions
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 in advance and analysing
it
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them
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.
Hence
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, it can help
people
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 to take preventive measures from
the
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apply
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bad
weather
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 conditions.
For instance
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, the metrological department probes the earth’s atmosphere and releases
weather
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forecast
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forecasts
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 on news channels about storms, cyclones and any upheavals in the climate conditions that
helps
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help
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 coastal region
people
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 move to safe places. Another reason why I believe
this
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 is because it will reduce
humans’
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humans
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 effort significantly.
That is
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 to say, electrical equipment is capable of performing various tasks based on their assembly, so humans can use
this
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 electrical equipment to do all their work in place of them.
Hence
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, they do not want to put in a lot of energy to do their tasks.
For example
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, the invention of electrical goods, like washing machines, refrigerators and other electrical equipment to do household jobs. The more the invention of goods, the more the population enjoys convenience. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
objective
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the objective
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 of
science
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 ought to be to elevate
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people’s
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 lifestyles because it helps to overcome the upcoming climatic conditions and reduce
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people’s
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 hard work.

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coherence cohesion
Try to explore a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the complexity and fluency of your writing. This can add to the overall coherence and make your essay even more engaging.
task achievement
Consider expanding your discussion to include potential counterarguments or broader impacts. This would provide a more rounded response and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You have made a clear statement of agreement with the topic and supported it with relevant examples, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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