IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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In
this
 contemporary era, more and more
people
 rely on
science
 and technology. The main goal of
science
 subject is to enhance the lives of the
people
. In
this
 essay, I will explore why I completely agree with
this
 statement. The first reason why I totally agree that the aim of
science
 is to develop
people’s
 lives is because
this
 is useful for
people
 to protect themselves from bad
weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. There is a lot of uncertainty about climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
, which can affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people’s
 day-to-day lives. The
weather
 forecast system developed by
science
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is capable of predicting the climate
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in advance and analysing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Hence
, it can help
people
 to take preventive measures from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
weather
 conditions.
For instance
, the metrological department probes the earth’s atmosphere and releases
weather
forecast
Fix the agreement mistake
forecasts
show examples
 on news channels about storms, cyclones and any upheavals in the climate conditions that
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 coastal region
people
 move to safe places. Another reason why I believe
this
 is because it will reduce
humans’
Change noun form
humans
show examples
 effort significantly.
That is
 to say, electrical equipment is capable of performing various tasks based on their assembly, so humans can use
this
 electrical equipment to do all their work in place of them.
Hence
, they do not want to put in a lot of energy to do their tasks.
For example
, the invention of electrical goods, like washing machines, refrigerators and other electrical equipment to do household jobs. The more the invention of goods, the more the population enjoys convenience. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
objective
Correct article usage
the objective
show examples
 of
science
 ought to be to elevate
people’s
 lifestyles because it helps to overcome the upcoming climatic conditions and reduce
people’s
 hard work.
Submitted by prasadjul1986 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to explore a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the complexity and fluency of your writing. This can add to the overall coherence and make your essay even more engaging.
task achievement
Consider expanding your discussion to include potential counterarguments or broader impacts. This would provide a more rounded response and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You have made a clear statement of agreement with the topic and supported it with relevant examples, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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