IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The international community should take action immediately to ensure that all countries reduce the consumption of fossil fuels, such as gas and oil. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays , international communities should act immediately to encourage countries to reduce the consumption of fossil fuels,
such
Linking Words
 as
oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
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. To start with, more and more people always
use
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oil
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 and
gas
Use synonyms
 because they are very necessary in our lives.
Such
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 as cooking a meal, driving a car and so on.
In addition
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,
Gas
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 is
also
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 very necessary for large industrial companies, because if we reduce their
use
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, there are very big losses for our
For instance
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,If we do not
use
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gas
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 or
oil
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,it will cause a lot of problems with money.
On the other hand
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,
gas
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also
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 has bad sides,
for example
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, for us,
that is
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, for our bodies, and the biggest harm is for the environment because cars emit a lot of harmful waste from the environment.
Furthermore
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,we have to
use
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this
Linking Words
 thing because it has got part of useful and useless.
In addition
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, it has some problems with oils.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
oil
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 and
gas
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 are big problems that affect a lot of people nowadays.It is mainly caused by
gas
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 changes and
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 environment.

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Task Achievement
While your essay provides a general response to the prompt, focusing on the necessity and the downsides of fossil fuel consumption, more specific examples and a clearer stance could enhance your argument. Take a clear position in your introduction and consistently support this throughout your essay for a stronger Task Response.
Coherence Cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, using a wider range of linking words and clearer topic sentences could improve the coherence and cohesion. Consider revisiting your paragraphs to ensure each begins with a clear main idea and is followed by supporting information that relates directly back to your initial argument.
Task Achievement
To further support your points, include more specific examples and data where possible. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or real-world events that exemplify the effects of fossil fuel consumption. This adds depth to your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You've managed to cover both sides of the argument, which is a good practice for a balanced discussion. However, clearly articulating your own viewpoint would make your position stronger.
Coherence Cohesion
Your essay structure (introduction, body, conclusion) is clear, which helps in organizing thoughts and presenting your arguments in a structured way.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • consumption
  • gas
  • oil
  • international community
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • global problem
  • collective action
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable future
  • economic growth
  • development
  • rely heavily on
  • unrealistic
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