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Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.

#bar #percentage #people #cinemas #european #country #different
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The bar chart depicts variation in
peoples’
Change noun form
people’s
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 attendance in the cinema, in three periods, from 2003 to 2007, with intervals of two years in one European country. As reflected by the y-axis the
population
 is measured from zero to 50
percent
 of the
population
 with intervals of five.
Overall
, the cinema was visited by about the same percentage of people throughout the years. On the weekdays, excluding Friday, Tuesday was the most popular day with around 17
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the
population
 each day.
Whereas
, Thursday and Monday were the least chosen days by approximately only 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
Although
, the minimum proportion of visitors was recorded on Wednesdays, in 2007.
In contrast
, the weekend, including Friday, was chosen by most of the
population
. Compared to the weekdays, the number of visitors almost doubled. Saturday was the most preferred day with around 43
percent
 of people visiting the movie theater. Though, the number hit
it’s
Replace the word
its
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 peak on Saturdays in 2005. Of these three days Friday was leased desired by only
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of the
population
 each year.
Submitted by oimigle on

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines what the bar chart is about. A brief mention of the trend observed could make it stronger.
Conclusion
A conclusion summarizing the key findings or trends would enhance the overall structure and effectiveness of your essay.
Grammar
Try to maintain consistency in tense usage to improve clarity and coherence. Your essay fluctuates between past and present tenses, which might confuse readers.
Cohesion
Incorporating a wider range of connective words could improve the flow of information and cohesion between ideas.
Data Analysis
You effectively describe and compare the data of people attending cinemas on different days, providing a clear understanding of the trends.
Structure
Your essay is structured in a logical manner, grouping the weekdays and weekends which helps in clear comparison.
Precision
Using percentages to describe attendance clearly conveys the information depicted in the bar chart.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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