IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the hustle and bustle of life in many large cities, most
students
Use synonyms
 believe that their payments fully happen for their own studies
due to
Linking Words
 lots of benefits which are brought by
education
Use synonyms
 in universities rather than
this
Linking Words
 field in
society
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. The author of
this
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the way how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 benefits significantly for their own study and experiments. One of the primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 as to why most people
behave
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 that they pay the fullest price for their own studies is the
university
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demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
 abundant in-depth theory skills and
knowledge
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 in all areas. It is important to acknowledge that universities always include enough professors or experienced teachers and high-quality pieces of equipment which support their dev
elopment
Correct your spelling
elopement
 in all pressing fields. They
also
Linking Words
 can achieve their targets and goals
while
Linking Words
 they participate in
university
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. There are more chances for
students
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 to apply for good and high-salary jobs and improve themselves both in appearance and
knowledge
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 perfectly day by day. Take China as a specific example of
this
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 statement,
this
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 country still classifies
students
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 into two levels of their own study.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they believe that
this
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 way boosts the
students
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' awareness about the necessary study so that they have a more
luxury
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luxurious
show examples
 and professional
university
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 for
students
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 to try to enrol in gaining more
knowledge
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 about the predictions in their near future. After that, they can take advantage of
this
Linking Words
knowledge
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 to provide their promotion and their fullest life. Another disadvantageous aspect of the payment in
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education's
Change preposition
education at
show examples
university
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 is the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 provides
students
Use synonyms
 with some realistic lessons which they do not obtain or learn in any
university
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
students
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 spend more time taking part in outdoor activities in lieu of sitting for a long time to have a
university
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 period because of the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their social skills.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they difficultly have some social meetings because of a lack of direction in experience in public. They may be separated from
society
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 when they always learn in a small atmosphere at the
university
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.
As a result
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, our community is able to be disconnected and separable from each other. By the way, any country hard develop in all fields. In conclusion, the author believes that it has been fully demonstrated that a
university
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education
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 brings more benefits for the
students
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' payment than the
society
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, they can acquire more
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and experiences for full areas in their lives in the present and near future

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Development
Ensure all paragraphs are fully developed. Some points appeared unfinished or lacked in-depth analysis.
Structure
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to improve the structure of your essay.
Supporting Examples
Aim to provide more specific examples to support your points. Broad statements without evidence weaken your argument.
Clarity
Strive for clearer articulation of your main ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and argument.
Language
Accuracy in spelling, punctuation, and grammar can enhance the credibility of your essay. Regular revision can help improve these areas.
Task Response
You presented a clear opinion in line with the essay question, showing a good understanding of the task.
Structure
The structure of introducing arguments followed by a concluding summary is correctly applied.
Content Relevance
You successfully raised relevant points about the benefits of university education and its impact.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
What to do next:
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