Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Raising
children
in cities is a good option for some parents, however
, it is argued that raising kids in the countryside
is comfortable. Although
it is inexpensive to feed children
in villages, I believe that raising children
in the city
has huge benefits for their careers.
To begin
, living in the countryside
might have enormous advantages of saving money. It is cost-effective to raise kids in villages because in the countryside
, people usually work in irrigation so all the goods which are necessary for day-to-day life
can be easily purchased at low prices and the Educational institutes charge relatively lower tuition fees because of
undeveloped facilities with unprofessional and inexperienced teachers. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, it seems to me that it is only applicable to those who cannot afford to live in metropolitan areas.
On the other hand
, Growing children
in cities is the best advantage for their career growth. Studying in a city
made children
aware of the world and updated with current affairs. Although
it is expensive to live in a city
there are fruitful outcomes in future because parents have the advantage of highly knowledgeable persons around them who can assist their children
to succeed in their lives. Moreover
, I believe that children
in cities have a lot of knowledge about the world.
In conclusion, living life
in the countryside
might be a cheaper lifestyle but not effective on their children
's career
, Fix the agreement mistake
careers
however
, city
life
is the best life
for many younger children
to fulfil their desired goals.Submitted by eeretimaheshsritej on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Clarity & Conciseness
Be mindful of sentence structuring and clarity. Some sentences could be more concisely articulated to improve readability.
Cohesive Devices
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion between ideas and paragraphs. While there's a good structure, more sophisticated connectors could elevate your writing.
Supporting Examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. You've provided general reasons for why city life may benefit children's careers, but adding real-world examples would make your argument more convincing.
Task Response
You've effectively discussed both views, providing a balanced examination before stating your own opinion.
Logical Structure
The essay presents a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a coherent conclusion that reflects your position.
Idea Development
Your choice to compare living costs and educational opportunities in cities versus the countryside creates relevant and comprehensible arguments in favor of city life for children's career opportunities.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.