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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the annual visitor spend for visitors to New Zealand from 5 countries for the years 1996 - 2014

The graph below shows the annual visitor spend for visitors to New Zealand from 5 countries for the years 1996 - 2014
#visitor #visitors #zealand #countries #years
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The line graph gives information about
a different countries
Correct the article-noun agreement
different countries
a different country
show examples
 from New Zealand's
visitors
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 1996 to 2014 . On the whole, as can be
seen
Add a comma
seen,
show examples
 there were 5
countries's
Change noun form
countries
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 did spend visiting New Zealand as Japan ,USA,UK,China and Australia ,
thus
Linking Words
 we notable there were alternatives . As a rule, the line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 that in China
Correct pronoun usage
there were
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the least of percentage .
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 gradually
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1998 to 2002 but
also
Linking Words
, it reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in 2004.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in Japan
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the highest
according
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 1996 to 2014, in the same way the figure dropped in 2014 .
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decrease
Replace the word
decreased first
show examples
firstly
Linking Words
 ,
then
Linking Words
 it achieved
peak
Add an article
a peak
show examples
 in 2002 . In
Australia
Add a comma
Australia,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitor
Change to a plural noun
visitors
show examples
 was 2500 in 2004
besides
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
plumage in 2014 and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitor
Change to a plural noun
visitors
show examples
 was 1000.
Submitted by nahlaalrashidi on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual expenditure
  • tourism revenue
  • spending trends
  • economic impact
  • visitor spend
  • tourism sector
  • peak spending
  • fluctuations
  • incline/decline in spending
  • monetary contribution
  • tourist demographics
  • economic conditions
  • tourism campaigns
  • statistical analysis
  • data interpretation
  • fiscal year
  • extrapolate data
  • spending patterns
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