IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the pie graph below show the result of a survey of chlidern's activities . the first graph shows the cultural and lesiure activities that boys participate in , where the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate

the pie graph below show the result of a survey of chlidern's activities . the first graph shows the cultural and lesiure activities that boys participate in , where the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate
#show #survey #chlidern #activities #first #lesiure #boys #second #girls
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 shows the differences between
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 culture and leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 .
Overall
Linking Words
,
pies
Correct article usage
the pies
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
 were in the same level of percentage , as we compared
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
 ,
boys
Use synonyms
 are the highest on computer games.
Likewise
Linking Words
 ,
girls
Use synonyms
 are the best
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 dancing . As can be seen more information in the pies
chart
Use synonyms
 , the first
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates
boys
Use synonyms
'
activities
Use synonyms
 there were prefer playing computer games
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 34% even though they playing basketball at 26% , In spite of
boys
Use synonyms
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
read
Wrong verb form
reading
show examples
 any books , the percentage was 2% of reading . The second
chart
Use synonyms
 ,
Use synonyms
girls'
Add a missing verb
is girls'
show examples
 cultural and leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 . They were more like dancing than reading . in the same way ,
girls
Use synonyms
 did a lot of
activities
Use synonyms
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
 !
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
 more information ,
girls
Use synonyms
 were listening to music and netball at 10 or 15
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by nahlaalrashidi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, boys, girls, activities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: