IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problems can it cause?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern
world
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a growing number of young
people
Use synonyms
 copy
style
Use synonyms
 clothes
Use synonyms
Change preposition
from others
show examples
others community
Fix the agreement mistake
other communities
show examples
 from
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
country
Use synonyms
. It is true that a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
world
Use synonyms
 recently
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as T-shirts or pants
Artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 or
Selebgram
Fix the agreement mistake
Selebgrams
show examples
 from giant
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country
Change the noun form
countries
show examples
 like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
others
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 were like
fashion
Use synonyms
 for they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 show to a large number of their friends. In recent years, I think I no
monder
Correct your spelling
wonder
 because it is
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
world
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 why many
people
Use synonyms
 were and follow their
style
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 and I think it is better and
formal
Correct quantifier usage
more formal
show examples
 to find
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style
Add an article
a style
show examples
 like
fashion
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 clothes famous,
thus
Linking Words
, they can
enjoyable
Replace the word
enjoy
show examples
 and relax wearing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern styles like
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 artist. In
this
Linking Words
 case in my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 like many
people
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 today have a smartphone they may searching
what
Change preposition
for what
show examples
 they want,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 many market place on social media
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans use the phone to find a
costum
Correct your spelling
custom
costume
 or
others
Use synonyms
 from their phone they download the application
such
Linking Words
 as Shoppe,Facebook,Instagram,Line and WhatsApp
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 they so easier to find a brand lokal or famous brand from another island or large
country
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absoluthly
Correct your spelling
absolutely
.
Whatever
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, in
this
Linking Words
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population like girls and boys
purchuse
Correct your spelling
purchase
T-shirt
Fix the agreement mistake
T-shirts
show examples
 in App Shoppe
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 so
satifised
Correct your spelling
satisfied
 and enjoy
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 anything
what
Change the word
that
show examples
 they want.
Others
Use synonyms
 feel that in
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 you can not stop a giant number of
people
Use synonyms
 because they just follow the
style
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of others
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and of course they buy the cloth
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their money
that is
Linking Words
 why you can not manage the humans to
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
 by themselves. In conclusion, they
comfortable
Add a missing verb
are comfortable
show examples
 with
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
 and of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 they feel styles.So just follow the
fashion
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 modern
world
Use synonyms
, they
also
Linking Words
 do not bother you and your
country
Use synonyms
,
let
Add a missing verb
let's
show examples
 see society can
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 exhilarated maybe with
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
style
Use synonyms
.

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Structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use each paragraph to develop one main idea or argument.
Linking
Enhance coherence by connecting ideas and paragraphs more clearly. Use linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas.
Specificity
Be more specific and detailed in your examples and arguments. Sharing concrete examples can strengthen your points significantly.
Grammar
Review grammar and punctuation to ensure your writing is as clear and accurate as possible. Minor errors can distract from your message.
Sentence Structure
Work on improving sentence structure and variety to make your writing more engaging and easier to follow.
Topic Engagement
You engage with the topic by considering the influence of celebrities on young people's fashion choices.
Analytical Effort
Your essay reflects an effort to explore both the reasons behind and the impacts of the phenomenon.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • aspire
  • influenced by
  • lifestyle
  • fashion choices
  • social media
  • visibility
  • accessible
  • desirable
  • followers
  • endorsements
  • marketing campaigns
  • trendsetters
  • peer pressure
  • conformity
  • emulate
  • experiment
  • identity
  • express themselves
  • admire
What to do next:
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