IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
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In an ever-progressive society, universities benefit
personalize
Change preposition
from personalize
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personal
Correct word choice
apply
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education leading to a question of whether students should be responsible for the whole school fees. In light of
this
, the author reckons that the learner should not pay the full fees
due to
 the drawbacks of financial background and differences in ability. It is vital to understand that financial potential may have a negative impact on student expenses. In
another word
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other words
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, not everyone possesses a sufficient asset to pay for the whole academic course.
As a result
 of
this
, poor tutees will lose the opportunities despite some being capable of producing high performances. One stand-out example is Mary Curie, a feminine scientist
contributed
Correct pronoun usage
who contributed
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 significantly to radioactive chemistry, who had to give up university studies
due to
 financial difficulties Another disadvantage worth considering is that learners whose abilities are above others have to pay the same expense as the rest. To be specific, it would not be equal for some people who gain knowledge proactively to seek scholarships to cope with financial
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
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. As the natural outcome of
this
, the prodigy or genius would feel disoriented and lose their determination. To exemplify
this
 statement, some reports have shown that the high performances from learners resonate with the value of the reward. Taking all points into account, expenditure background and ability to distinguish are essential points worth considering.
Hence
, it is improper to force all students to pay the full fees of university
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Introduction & Conclusion
Make sure to directly address the prompt in your introduction and conclusion to clearly state your position on the issue. This will enhance the clarity of your argument.
Linking words
Consider diversifying your use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay further. While the coherence is commendable, enhanced variation can lead to a more polished result.
Specific Examples
Incorporating a wider range of specific examples would strengthen your argument. While you've provided relevant examples, adding more could demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Vocabulary Use
To further improve your score, focus on expanding your range of vocabulary while ensuring accuracy in usage. Avoid repetition of words and phrases to make your essay more engaging.
Structure
Your essay has a good overall structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in presenting your argument logically.
Main Point Support
You have successfully supported your main points with explanations and examples, which is essential for a strong essay.
Task Response
You've demonstrated a clear understanding of the task with comprehensive ideas and relevant examples that align with the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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