There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals are of the opinion that it is

due to

Linking Words

the pressure which the young generation suffers, non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

should be reduced from schools so that they could focus on academic

study

Use synonyms

more efficiently. From my standpoint,

this

Linking Words

statement is agreeable because of many underlying grounds, and

this

Linking Words

essay will expound upon its reasons

as well as

Linking Words

provide practical examples. It is undeniable that a comfortable timetable brings numerous advantages. Specifically, when students can spend all their time

Change preposition

show examples

an academic learning program without facing the challenge of a hectic schedule of mixed

subjects

Use synonyms

concluding academic

study

Use synonyms

and non-academic

study

Use synonyms

, they could gain better results in their learning.

For instance

Linking Words

, adolescents learning

schools'

Change noun form

schools

show examples

lessons and unnecessary

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as drawing at the same time could be under the pressure of work overload.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, another benefit gained from the recognition of academic

study

Use synonyms

in society.

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

due to

Linking Words

the fact that in today's world, the young generation tends to appreciate people who have advanced degrees, especially academic certifications.

Thus

Linking Words

, removing unessential

subjects

Use synonyms

paves the way for ease of seeking career opportunities. One relevant example is that postgraduate teenagers could have tons of job opportunities, thanks to degrees they have already had from universities, and schools, regardless of how good they are in non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as cookery. In conclusion, even though some people have their understandable arguments, I wholly gravitate toward those who believe that removing non-academic learning brings students plenty of merits

such

Linking Words

as getting more satisfying results of learning and easily looking for lucrative career opportunities.

May 7, 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, work on providing smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and create a more cohesive structure.

Coherence and Cohesion

Be careful with the repetition and redundancy of some phrases, such as 'academic study' and 'unessential subjects.' Vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition and make your writing more engaging.

Task Achievement

In terms of task response, make sure to explicitly state whether you fully agree, partially agree, or partially disagree with the statement in the introduction. This will make your position clear from the beginning.

Task Achievement

The examples provided in the essay should be more specific and detailed to effectively support the main points. This will increase the relevance and persuasiveness of your arguments.

Introduction/Conclusion Present

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. This is a strong aspect of your writing.

Logical Structure

The main points of your essay are logical and align well with your overall argument. This shows a good level of coherence and cohesion in your writing.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In the past, many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Since old times, history has witnessed many battles and wars, often led by male leaders. Because of this, there is a view that if women were chosen as leaders, it would help the world become better administered and harmonious. I totally disagree with this view, since I think conflicts and violence should not be linked to a particular gender and moving to women alone will not make the world a better place to live.
6.5
band
Some people believe that children learn better when they are placed in classes with children of similar academic abilities. Others believe that children learn better when they are in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
While some believe that students should study alongside peers with similar abilities, others argue that learning in a diverse environment with a range of academic skills is more beneficial. I align with the latter perspective, as preparing children to face the realities of future work life requires them to collaborate with individuals from various backgrounds.
7
band
Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
People are divided on their opinion about the budgeting of the educational sector. Some hold the view that a high proportion of the budget should be spared to purchase laptops and tablets; however, others think that well-known teachers should be hired even if they demand higher salaries. In my opinion, I am convinced that both of these things are crucial for better educational aspects so equal funding should be given because of the reasons that I will outline in this essay.
7.5
band
It is important for people to take riske, both in their professional lives and their personal lifes. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Risk facilitates to burgeon. Whether people should be risk-takers or not is a controversial theory. I strongly believe that the benefits of this approach are valued superior to its drawbacks, Since not only could it promote evaluation ability, but also it lunches individuals on the path of unprecedented success. However, what devastating impacts it may involve are stress and losing recent achievements.
7
band
Your next door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night. Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog. Include in your letter: – Your reason for writing – What you would like to happen – A nice, respectful style
I hope you are doing fine and this letter finds you well. I am writing this letter in connection with the issue that I faced on a daily basis.

In the past, many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is important for people to take riske, both in their professional lives and their personal lifes. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Your next door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night. Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog. Include in your letter: – Your reason for writing – What you would like to happen – A nice, respectful style