There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals are of the opinion that it is
due to
the pressure which the young generation suffers, non-academic Linking Words
subjects
should be reduced from schools so that they could focus on academic Use synonyms
study
more efficiently. From my standpoint, Use synonyms
this
statement is agreeable because of many underlying grounds, and Linking Words
this
essay will expound upon its reasons Linking Words
as well as
provide practical examples.
It is undeniable that a comfortable timetable brings numerous advantages. Specifically, when students can spend all their time Linking Words
on
an academic learning program without facing the challenge of a hectic schedule of mixed Change preposition
in
subjects
concluding academic Use synonyms
study
and non-academic Use synonyms
study
, they could gain better results in their learning. Use synonyms
For instance
, adolescents learning Linking Words
schools'
lessons and unnecessary Change noun form
schools
subjects
Use synonyms
such
as drawing at the same time could be under the pressure of work overload.
Linking Words
Furthermore
, another benefit gained from the recognition of academic Linking Words
study
in society. Use synonyms
It
is Correct pronoun usage
This
due to
the fact that in today's world, the young generation tends to appreciate people who have advanced degrees, especially academic certifications. Linking Words
Thus
, removing unessential Linking Words
subjects
paves the way for ease of seeking career opportunities. One relevant example is that postgraduate teenagers could have tons of job opportunities, thanks to degrees they have already had from universities, and schools, regardless of how good they are in non-academic Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
such
as cookery.
In conclusion, even though some people have their understandable arguments, I wholly gravitate toward those who believe that removing non-academic learning brings students plenty of merits Linking Words
such
as getting more satisfying results of learning and easily looking for lucrative career opportunities.Linking Words
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, work on providing smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and create a more cohesive structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be careful with the repetition and redundancy of some phrases, such as 'academic study' and 'unessential subjects.' Vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition and make your writing more engaging.
Task Achievement
In terms of task response, make sure to explicitly state whether you fully agree, partially agree, or partially disagree with the statement in the introduction. This will make your position clear from the beginning.
Task Achievement
The examples provided in the essay should be more specific and detailed to effectively support the main points. This will increase the relevance and persuasiveness of your arguments.
Introduction/Conclusion Present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. This is a strong aspect of your writing.
Logical Structure
The main points of your essay are logical and align well with your overall argument. This shows a good level of coherence and cohesion in your writing.